#and I ran with it because whenever I am in deep horrible suffering I come up with post ideas

[literaphobe]

AU where Nino doesn’t fall in love with Alya over one afternoon but rather he does so gradually so Adrien thinks he still has a crush on Marinette, BUT through some cursed miraculous-esque misunderstanding Adrien thinks Marinette likes Nino too only that she doesn’t want him to know but of course just like in canon she’s got it crazy for Adrien only she can’t tell Adrien she doesn’t actually have feelings for Nino BECAUSEEE she’s convinced he only talks to her to scheme and discuss her eventual confession to Nino AND AND ANDDDD at some point whilst trying and failing to confess to Adrien that she isn’t actually in love with Nino she causes him to think that she’s now in love with Alya instead—it gets to the point where when Alya and Nino DO start dating she begs them to keep it a secret from Adrien who will be heartbroken thinking the two people she was once in love with and currently in love with are now together. She does not, at any point, realize that Adrien fell in love with her too and is now super heartbroken and in pain every time she discusses her supposed SUUUUUUPER huge and ultra bigggg crushes on Nino, and then Alya, respectively. yes the part in the show where she accidentally confesses to chat noir that she’s in love with him as marinette still happens and it makes it all way more confusing and complicated for Adrien

[kurowrites]

Soulmate!au + fake dating +you confuse me.” OR “if you’re happy, then so am i.” because I couldn't decide lol. Love everything you write, like somehow your writing style is exactly to my taste, you know? So thank u for sharing your work with us.

They have reached terminal dumbassery, I’m sorry to say.

(Also, thank you!!!)

---

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying cried when he caught sight of Lan Zhan. He was quick to catch up to him, huffing and puffing with the exertion. “You haven’t found your soulmate yet, right?”

Lan Zhan looked at Wei Ying with a frown, wondering what the sudden question was really about. It was a rather personal question. Still, he dutifully answered in the affirmative. The answer was obvious, anyway. Lan Zhan did not have anyone he was particularly close with, other than his brother, and family rarely led to soulmate bonds. Not to mention that his brother already had a soulmate.

“Excellent,” Wei Ying breathed, and beamed up at him. “Wanna date me, then?”

Lan Zhan’s heart stood still for one moment, and then started beating impossibly faster at the words. Had Wei Ying noticed his feelings? Wei Ying hadn’t found his soulmate yet, either, and Lan Zhan had found himself quietly hoping…

“Not date date, of course!” Wei Ying was quick to add, immediately crushing Lan Zhan’s quiet hope. “I just need someone to play my lover and then break up with me in some kind of horrible way, so my family will finally get off my back about finding my soulmate. It’s such an outdated concept, too. Waiting for your soulmate. Mine is probably a hoard of cats, anyway, so there’s nothing much to look forward to.”

It hurt a little to hear Wei Ying talk like that. Lan Zhan had always hoped that he and Wei Ying would turn out to be soulmates, and that romantic hope had sustained him through his teenage years. But it had never turned out to be the case. He and Wei Ying were barely friends, and obviously not meant to be. Still, he thought, it was better if Wei Ying committed himself to a hoard of cats instead of waiting for his soulmate, who would probably turn out to be an abuser or some other kind of ghastly individual.

A hoard of cats and Lan Zhan as his friend sounded like a much, much better option.

But then, Wei Ying’s offer…

It was bad to accept it, underhanded probably, but it would be his one chance at dating Wei Ying. And even though it would be a fake relationship, Lan Zhan found himself wanting to know. How Wei Ying would be, as a partner. As a lover. As a soulmate.

That… that would be enough.

“Hn,” he said, therefore. “I will do it.”

Wei Ying looked at him with evident surprise on his face, as if he had never expected Lan Zhan to actually agree to his request.

A moment later, a big smile spread over his entire face.

“Lan Zhan!!” he cried. “You truly are the best!”

If Wei Ying truly thought that, Lan Zhan thought a little uncharitably, then Lan Zhan would be his soulmate. Alas, he was not.

Still, he accepted the offered hug from Wei Ying, who always was enthusiastic and far, far too tempting to refuse. He listened to Wei Ying’s excited rambling about the things they needed to plan to make it ‘realistic.’

He already regretted his decision. Because now, he wouldn’t have to dream up scenarios any longer. He would actually know how it was to be with Wei Ying. He would know, and he would inevitably lose what he had.

A suitable punishment, probably.

---

If Lan Zhan was honest, nothing much changed after they ‘got together.’ They talked about the same things and went to the same places they always did, only now they were holding hands while they were doing it. When they had a movie night, Wei Ying would cuddle into Lan Zhan’s side and laugh when Lan Zhan went all stiff because he got nervous whenever Wei Ying was in his vicinity. Sometimes, when they were in public, Wei Ying would even lean in and peck him on the lips.

Lan Zhan would never admit it, but it was the best, sweetest torture he had ever had. This was everything he had ever wanted, and he got to experience it, only all of it was fake.

It was a hell of his own making.

He wondered again and again how it could be that Wei Ying and he were not soulmates. Wei Ying was everything that he wanted. He could not imagine how anyone other than Wei Ying could be so exactly what he wanted. Any possible soulmate that came after this would just lose out against Wei Ying.

Which was also unfair, he felt. Towards his potential soulmate as well as towards Wei Ying. He was not required to like Lan Zhan back the same way as Lan Zhan liked him, after all. That was why he decided that after this all ended, there would be no one else. Even if he should one day meet his actual soulmate, he would have to let them down gently and give them another chance at happiness. Because for him, there was no one but Wei Ying, soulmate or not. There was no way he was going to involve another person into this.

When Wei Ying told Jiang Yanli that he was dating Lan Zhan, she was overjoyed by the news. She congratulated them both with tears in her eyes, saying that she was so happy that they both had found each other, and how romantic it was that they had been friends for so long before discovering that they were soulmates.

Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, threatened Lan Zhan physical harm if he were to hurt his ‘asshole of a brother.’ Not that Lan Zhan worried that he wouldn’t be able to take Jiang Cheng on, but he felt terribly guilty about the idea that he would inevitably ‘hurt’ Wei Ying once they ‘broke up.’ That was the last thing he wanted to do. Both break up with and hurt Wei Ying.

But it was all fake. The separation would come eventually.

The more people kept telling him what a good couple they made, the more it hurt. But no wanting of his would ever turn his idle daydreams into reality.

---

When it came, it still felt far too soon.

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had been out all day, taking a walk in the botanical garden that was full of the most beautiful flowers of spring. They had bought ice cream (or rather, Lan Zhan had bought them ice cream after Wei Ying had pestered him about wanting to eat ice cream for too long) and ate it as they walked around the part hand in hand. All in all, it had been a wonderful day.

He had looked at Wei Ying and thought how much prettier he was than any of the flowers blooming at the wayside. He had been happy.

Which was why it came as a shock when Wei Ying suddenly turned towards him and smiled shakily.

“Lan Zhan. We should probably end this.”

Lan Zhan was brought back to earth with a heavy jolt.

This was it. This was the moment where he needed to say goodbye to Wei Ying.

And then the rest of his life would be the same: just him and the rabbits he was inevitably going to buy in order to combat his heartbreak.

Wei Ying still smiled up at him, shrugging a little helplessly.

“You must be pretty fed up with me by now,” he said. “And you probably want to go back looking for your actual soulmate.”

“There will be no one.”

Suddenly, it seemed very important to Lan Zhan that Wei Ying was aware of that.

Wei Ying looked up at him with big eyes.

“Lan Zhan?”

“There will be no soulmate. Not for me.”

“But, you haven’t-”

“Wei Ying. I have decided that there never will be a soulmate for me.”

Wei Ying was silent for a moment.

Then, with sudden speed and ferocity, he hit Lan Zhan in the chest.

“Goddammit, Lan Zhan, why are you so frustrating? Why would you rather be alone than with your soulmate? Why couldn’t it be me?”

He turned pale, evidently shocked at his own words. Without another word, he turned around and ran away, quick as a deer.

Lan Zhan stood there for far too long, trying to figure out what had just happened, and then ran after Wei Ying with all his might.

Wei Ying would not, could not slip through his fingers now. Even if he was as slippery as an eel when on the run.

When Lan Zhan finally caught him, Wei Ying let out a deep breath that almost sounded like a shudder. He refused to look at Lan Zhan.

“Why?” he asked with a small voice. “Can’t you let me suffer in peace?”

“I wanted it to be Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan found himself saying, desperately. “I always wanted it to be Wei Ying. There will be no one else because I have already decided.”

Wei Ying finally looked at him, his eyes full of unshed tears. And then he started to cry in big, ugly sobs.

“You dumbo,” he blubbered. “It’s always been only you. Just you. I just wanted to see how it is being Lan Zhan’s soulmate.”

Lan Zhan could not remember when exactly Wei Ying ended up in his arms. But it was good. Very good. And Lan Zhan was not going to let go a second time.

---

Two days later, Wei Ying showed him his soul mark. His real one, hidden among the many tattoos on his skin.

It was a little rabbit, perfectly rendered in black and white.

Exactly like the one that stared at him from his own reflection in the mirror sometimes.

[sleepysnk]

i am in pain, that is all. listen to the song while reading.

Ghost of You

Pairings: Reiner Braun x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, alcohol usage

Here I am waking up

Still can't sleep on your side

Reiner's honey eyes opened, his head pounding as he was suffering another hangover. He wasn't even sure what time it was, it had to be past 10 A.M. he was certain of that. 

Sighing, he sat up feeling his head spin for a moment; his mouth felt dry and his head pounded from the splitting headache that pulsed around his skull. Reiner noticed the many beer cans that littered the ground, the stench of alcohol filling his nose making it scrunch.

He reached for his phone, the bright light making his skull ache even more than it did before. A few notifications from Bertholdt and Annie were visible on the screen, not like Reiner cared, he wanted a text from the person he missed most.

(Y/N).

There's your coffee cup

The lipstick stain fades with time

Reiner couldn't remember the last time she was in his apartment. It had to be weeks even months ago, the last time she was there was when they broke up. He had totally forgotten when from all of the alcohol he consumed. 

What hurt the most was that Reiner still had some of her things, including her clothes, a few pairs of underwear, makeup, hell, even some personal items. All those things reminded him of her, but even then, he couldn't get the energy to throw them away.

If I can dream long enough 

You'd tell me I'd be just fine

I'll be just fine

(Y/N) and Reiner had broken up one month ago. Their relationship had unfortunately turned sour, the two argued so many times that even she couldn't count how often it happened throughout the day. It was unfortunate seeing what happened, Reiner didn't think she'd end it, but she did. 

She packed up her things and told him it was over after arguing during the night. 

Reiner was angry at the time, but after a while he realized what he had done. He broke the person he loved the most, pushed her to her limit, and caused her to walk out of his life. Forever.

Reiner really wished he could say he was fine, he lied to his friends that he was.. but inside he wasn't. He knew he wasn't okay, but admitting it to others was something he didn't want to do.

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

Even then, Reiner can still replay memories of him and (Y/N) dancing in their apartment together at odd hours of the night. The memory always brought a smile to his face, she was so clumsy when they first tried, but Reiner helped her learn. 

Reiner would put on random songs and twirl her around the living room when the moon would shine during the night. She was so beautiful then, Reiner was certain she was his soulmate. 

He always recalled the way he would feel during those moments, the way his heart would swell whenever she smiled or giggled at the way he would dance; or the way his fingers would slightly tickle her waist whenever he would dance with her. Reiner would do anything to relive all of it.

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

After the breakup, Reiner turned to unhealthy ways of coping. 

He turned to alcohol, sometimes he'd pass out at the bar and Bertholdt would have to come and take him home. Other times he would get so drunk he could barely stand, all of it was to forget everything. Even if it didn't last very long. 

He still loved (Y/N) and he hates that he could never change what happened. Reiner knew deep down that the truth was he would never be able to undo what happened, she would never love him again. That's what made him drink even more, he wanted to forget the truth.

Cleaning up today

Found that old Zepplin shirt

You wore when you ran away

And no one could feel your hurt

Her old shirt was still on the floor where she left it before she left him. 

He could recall so many memories within her clothes, whether it be a skirt she wore to a date, or a shirt she wore and he ended up taking off; all of it brought back memories for the blonde. 

Reiner was the only one who understood (Y/N), she was the only one who understood him. 

It was almost like they were destined to meet each other, that's what Reiner would say anyway. He believed that he finally had his soulmate, but why was she taken away from him? Why?

We're too young, too dumb

To know things like love

But I know better now

He remembers when they first met.

Reiner met her when he was a senior in high school, she was a new student and he ended up bumping into her on the first day. Ever since that day, he was there to show her around and he made her feel like someone; like she wasn't just a student, but a person who belonged. 

They were so young then, many people found it hard to believe that they were high school sweethearts. 

They were together for three years.

Reiner always asked the question, maybe things went bad because they were so young? They were just 17 when they got together, teens, kids, they weren't mature or old enough; they were just teens in love. 

Maybe Reiner was too dumb to think that his relationship with (Y/N) would last, maybe there were signs at the beginning that he just couldn't see. 

He was just a teenager then.. who was he to know this would all happen?

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

Reiner still sees her when he's drunk or hungover, he sees her walking into the room they once shared with breakfast in her hands, ready to give him a good morning kiss. 

At night he sees her wearing that pretty sundress, the one she always wore whenever she wanted to dance with him. He still remembers the patterns on it and the way the dress would show the skin of her thighs whenever he twirled her. 

He always had a smile on his face whenever he'd see her. His heart would swell the way it did before.

Then once he blinked.. she would disappear.

Reiner would break down after that, he would sit on the couch for hours with tears going down his cheeks. Whispering small apologies, and feeling his chest tightening whenever he remembered all the horrible things that had happened. 

He just wanted to reach out and hold her again, he yearned to feel her skin against his one more time; to tell her that he loves her still and he'd do anything to have her be his again. 

"I'm so sorry (Y/N).."

Those words would constantly be repeated until Reiner would pass out on the couch or in his bed. 

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance

Like they did with you

Reiner stood up, his mind cloudy and his body aching for more sleep. He headed over to the medicine cabinet and popped a few painkillers. 

He wiped a few tears that escaped down his cheeks, his chest tightening again.

"Please.. come back to me (Y/N).." he sobbed.

[ahopelessromantic]

31% ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x neutral! Reader (if I missed something please tell me!)

Word count: 2,4k

Warnings: Suggestive content, Spencer and reader really have the hots for each other

The nature of your friendship with Reid has been flirtatious from the start. So flirtatious that the team thinks it’s all a joke... right? (A/N: Please don’t ask me what this is. I wrote this in one sitting while suffering from PMS, I don’t even know anymore.)

“Look at that walk.��� Morgan chuckled to Emily for everyone but especially you to hear. You rolled your eyes, yet couldn’t help the smug grin on your face. Like girls in high school ready to hear the newest gossip your two colleagues and closest friends leaned over your desk. “You, sweetie, got laid.” You let out a happy sigh and leaned back in your chair. Last time you had been this relaxed had been… god, you couldn’t even remember it.

“What’s their name?” Emily grinned, stealing a sip of coffee from your mug. “And do they have a brother? Sister? Cousin?” You lifted your brow. “A respectable, decent human being like me doesn’t kiss and tell. But it’s a he. And he’s all mine.” Both Morgan and Emily lifted their eyebrows in surprise. “(Y/N)? Getting territorial? We love to see it.” Morgan teased. You squinted at him. “You know what? I loved flaunting my post-coital bliss in front of you, but quite frankly I’m starting to feel attacked now, so I’ll go hang out with Garcia.” Emily feigned a pout. “Come on! At least give us some details!” You just winked at her after getting up from your seat and disappeared down the hallway. On the way to Penelope’s office, you didn’t miss Spencer’s searing hot look on you, a hint of the same smug smile on his lips that had been on yours when you had entered the BAU this morning.

“(Y/N), this is bad. We’re breaking at least three policies just by being here together right now. Also, relationships between colleagues are rarely a good idea.” You chuckled and pressed another kiss to Spencer’s neck. “Then why does it feel so good, Spence? And, actually, workplace hookups are way more common thank you think. About 31% of them even end up in marriage.” “Are you using my own weapons against me right now? That’s hot.” He murmured and pulled you further into his lap. You looked down into his eyes, your gaze dropping to his lips momentarily before wandering back up again. There was just something about him that made you feel like you were on fire, as if an electric current ran between the two of you. You bit your lip and played with his tie. “You have to know how I feel whenever you’re spitting your facts at least once, too.” Your eyes met again, and then your lips were on his.

Spencer and you had gotten along like a house on fire from the day you had joined the BAU. Somehow the two of you had clicked right into place after just a short period of Spencer warming up to you. Before anyone could even tell what was happening you had become the team’s new dynamic duo. Your sharp wit matched his, and what he was too shy to say you spat right out. And that everlasting tension between you had been there from the beginning, too. It had almost cost you your sanity, the way the air in a room would change as soon as Spencer was in it, the way his mere presence made you want to either pounce on him or rip your lashes out. For a while, it had been enough to just bury that attraction where everyone could see it, in plain sight beneath heaps and heaps of slightly inappropriate flirting. Spencer would blurt out how your new heels gave you just the right height to make out with him, you would blurt out how you would like to see him in his glasses and nothing else. Everyone had taken your remarks as jokes, and you had always laughed with them. But there had never been anything funny about the shocks of electricity jolting through your fingers whenever your hands accidentally met or about the warmth seeping through you whenever you slept propped up against each other on the jet. All that tension had unloaded one day after an unusually hard case. Spencer and you had been taken hostage by an Unsub on a psychotic break, and it had only been due to luck and good timing that you had made it out alive. After debriefing, you had found yourself in an abandoned hallway of whatever precinct you had been in, and then your eyes had met. The look in them had been the same. Slightly frazzled, pupils still widened from the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You had both been so high on the incredibleness of still being alive that suddenly, you had decided to just fucking do what your body had been telling you to do for so long already. “I think I’m going to kiss you now.” You had breathed out, barely audible. Spencer had leaned against the wall behind him and lifted his chin as if he had been daring you to do it. “Okay.” He had whispered back. And then your lips had met in what you could swear had been the best kiss of your life. Your hands had tangled themselves in his hair as if they had been supposed to be there all along, and his hands had fit in the groove of your waist as if they had been made for it. Maybe you had both been made for each other.

“It looks like the unsub is citing the karma sutra.” JJ’s gaze wandered over the book excerpts up on the case board. “A sexual sadist maybe?” Spencer shook his head almost excitedly, a familiar gleam in his eyes which he got whenever a case was particularly interesting to him. “See, that’s the interesting part. 80% of the karma sutra is actually just love-related philosophy and how to sustain desire. There is no sexual component to his murders, so I think he might either be trying to throw us off or create some sort of bizarre scavenger hunt.” While chewing on one of the fries Emily had brought you all for dinner you let your eyes wander over the pictures of sex positions and quotations on the board, then to the copy of the book lying right in front of Spencer on the table. “Well, it’s definitely an interesting choice to make for a book. Spence, you’ll keep it memorised for later, right?” You spoke, mostly out of habit. Spencer winked at you in response and Morgan choked on his burger. “There’s people eating here!” He spluttered out, pointing at Hotch, who looked like he wanted to die, and Rossi, who was watching the scene unfold with an amused smile on his face. All he was missing was a bucket of popcorn to match the level of detachment he was displaying. Prentiss just laughed and turned her attention to you. “(Y/N), does your boyfriend know about your workplace flirting buddy?” She knew exactly what she was doing, a mischievous glint in her eyes. You felt your face fall for the split of a second but immediately regained your composure. “Nice try, honey. I’m still not telling you about him. Also, for what it’s worth, he’s not the jealous type. So he doesn’t mind.” You deliberately avoided Spencer’s gaze, praying to whichever deities out there that you weren’t blushing.

Later that evening, back in your apartment, you could tell that something was on Spencer’s mind. He had taken some paperwork home that, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t have taken him longer than an hour. But it had been two and a half hours already, and the subconscious mumbling he only did when he was extremely anxious set you off. “Spence, baby, are you okay?” You had been his roommate for long enough to know that he needed someone to be there in moments like these. The two of you sharing an apartment had been a decision for practicality’s sake more than anything. You had slept over at each other’s apartments half of the time before that anyway, and this way, you were even able to save up some more to hopefully soon buy the house of your dreams. The team probably didn’t even know about the two of you living together, and if they knew, they had probably just added it to the list of weird things Spencer and you did. Spencer hadn’t even heard, and it took you placing your hand on his shoulder for him to return to reality. He looked up at you with a conflicted look, his eyes horribly sad. “Are you alright?” You asked again, sitting down next to him. He nodded and closed the case file he had been working on with a sigh. “I’m okay. I just keep on thinking about what Prentiss said.” You frowned. Emily tended to say a lot of things in just one day. “Back in the conference room. The…” He trailed off to take a deep breath. “The boyfriend thing.” You were still looking at him in confusion. “Am I?” “What?” You asked stupidly. Apparently, your brain had suffered a sudden case of non-functionality. You could feel his frustration get even worse. “Am I your boyfriend, (Y/N)?”, Spencer finally explained for you to catch on. Suddenly, a laugh escaped your lips. “Well, I mean I hope so.” Now it was he who looked like his mind was failing him. “I mean, to be honest, I hadn’t really properly thought about it, but I definitely bragged about my hot, intelligent FBI boyfriend to my friends from high school. So, I guess it would be really nice if you actually were. I mean, I think I haven’t slept in my own bed in weeks.” A smile had spread across Spencer’s face, a light pink hue dusting his cheeks. “I uh… I described you as my partner in the letters to my mom, too. I didn’t know how else to describe it to her. Because I … I guess I was hoping that this wasn’t just us sleeping together from the start. I trust you, (Y/N), more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. And I like having you by my side.” Not able to stop yourself, you closed the distance between the two of you to press your lips to his. Keeping your relationship with Spencer undefined for any longer than that would have been a huge waste of potential.

Somehow, you had always expected that Spencer would one day expose the two of you by taking it too far with your flirting. He hadn’t been all too experienced with dating, sex and everything beyond that before you, that was something he had told you himself once after a few glasses of your favourite red wine. But what you really hadn’t expected was running into Emily in an IKEA, of all places. Ever since once and for all defining your relationship you had moved into his bedroom for good, which left room for creativity in your old room. The two of you had been walking around the furniture store hand in hand, Spencer with a potted plant already under his arm, when you’d suddenly heard Emily calling out your name. If it hadn’t been for Spencer’s hand firmly in yours you would have booked it down the aisle of Malm closets, but this way all you could do was turn around with a deliberately composed expression. “Hi, Em.” You smiled as if you hadn’t just run into your colleague slash best friend while holding the hand of your also colleague, slash boyfriend. Prentiss looked like she was trying to make sense of the situation, her eyes fleeting back and forth between you and Spencer. “Is this something you do now? Hold hands and buy plants together?” You had to suppress a laugh and almost pitied her for her confusion. Spencer was forcing himself not to smile as well, swaying your still intertwined hands back and forth. “It’s not a big deal Emily, we just need some things for our apartment.” Her eyes looked just about ready to pop out of her skull at that. “Your apartment?! (Y/N), what about your boyfriend- oh.” Her eyes widened even more if that was even possible. “OH!” She almost yelled, and now you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips anymore. “No one will ever believe you.” You grinned, pressed a kiss to her cheek and pulled Spencer back to your shopping cart with you.

The next day, Emily sat at her desk with her head in her hands when Spencer and you entered the bullpen. She looked positively traumatised and now you were all the more glad that you had bought her a breakfast muffin on the way to work. “Hey, Em.” You greeted her hesitantly, you tone causing Morgan to look up from his screen. He always immediately knew when something was off. “So, Spencer, huh?” She mumbled instead of a greeting, mustering the two of you up and down. It wasn’t abnormal for the two of you to constantly be glued to each other’s sides, but now she was probably starting to see that from a whole new perspective. You could hear Morgan get up and trip over his chair in his haste to get to Emily’s desk, but your whole focus was on her at that moment. You smiled. “Yup. Don’t ask me how, or why, but I’m sure about him. He’s also just really fucking attractive.” At that, she laughed, and Spencer pouted playfully. “You only like me for my body, (Y/N).” You rolled your eyes and nudged him with your elbow. “I’m trying to make a point here, honey. But yeah, it’s Spence, and I’m happy it’s him.” “You know, I feel like I should probably be more surprised by this, but it’s not really much of a change from the way you behaved already. Kinda saw it coming.”, Morgan finally spoke up, and you couldn’t be more grateful to him for being so cool about the whole situation. “Aren’t you guys worried about the pressure of all of this? You know, workplace romances and everything?” Emily mused. Somehow, she had already switched back into concerned friend mode. But much to your surprise it was Spencer who spoke up and pulled you closer to his side with an arm around your waist. “Someone once told me that workplace romances are actually really common and that 31% of them even end in marriage.” You felt the biggest smile grow on your face and turned to look him in the eyes. “I don’t really know anything, about any of this. But I trust (Y/N), and I trust what we have. I’m just hoping that maybe we’ll be up in those 31%.” You couldn’t help it. You just had to press a kiss to his cheek for that. “I’m hoping for that, too.” You mumbled. Despite Morgan’s and Emily’s theatrical gagging at your public display of affection, you couldn’t help but feel like this was a significant moment. You were really doing this. And boy, were you serious about it.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can i request seven with mc who is being kidnapped (posibbly getting hurt/tortured) because of sometrouble related to seven's agency work, maybe they want revenge or smth, its up to you mc ends up dead or alive when seven finally found her (i prefer her dead but idk tbh i just want to see saeyeong suffer rn lmao, and i like to watch my own heart breaking after that T-T) THANKYOUU IF YOU R DOING IT ♡♡

Oh shit hell yeah T_T

I think I made it a bit dark, so maybe we’ll add a happy end

ALSO HEY! Listen to the saddest song you can if you want to! That way you can get the full experience lmao

Regret:

(Saeyoung x MC, TW: May include mentions of suicide, sexual abuse, and torture, so if you feel uncomfortable with any of this please don’t read it! I think I made this a bit too dark, so please watch out!)

The sun was setting. It had gotten cold, since they were in a mountain. There was no sound, and only if you were paying attention, you would notice the three men hiding behind some trees and bushes.

A bit farther away you could see a big old building. A few men guarding the entrance.

To Saeyoung Choi, the building gave him the feeling as if he was suffocating. But right now he couldn’t focus on that.

He was currently hacking into the building’s security cameras. He was checking the layout of the place, checking how many guards there were, places to hide and places where you might be locked up.

“Hey, zero seven, are you sure they aren’t leading us straight into a trap? It was way too easy to find them, barely took us a month. You know better than anyone that finding their spots takes way longer than that.” Vanderwood said, as he took one last puff from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stepping on it to put it off.

“Lets just trust him for now. And could you please not smoke in the forest? You’re making me want to puke.” Saeran, who was crouching beside his brother glared.

“Hey, I didn’t even want to come here. The least you could do is let me have one last cigarette if I die.” But Vanderwood silently complied and didn’t touch a cigarette again.

Finally Saeyoung, who was looking at his computer intensely turned around and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright, I memorized the layout. I know places where we can hide, and I think I know where she is being held. We’re going in at midnight.”

Both men nodded and waited until the time came.

.............

“Where is she?! Did you have anything to do with this?!”

Saeyoung grabbed Vanderwood by the collar and shook him, hard. He scoffed and glared at Saeyoung.

“I left the agency with you, remeber?! Why would I be back again with them, that place is fucked up...and...if they got hold of her then we should give up. She’s probably already dead.”

Before Vanderwood could say anything else he felt an immense wave of pain on his cheek. Saeyoung had just...punched him. He had the nerve to punch him.

That night, well, both men ended up bruised. But then Vanderwood saw how much he cared. And how much it hurt him.

He agreed to help, but only if he got a reward. He said he only did it because he wanted to make some quick cash, but deep inside, Vanderwood was also worried. He honestly didn’t want anything to happen to you.

............

Saeran wasn’t allowed to go in, so he stayed outside, trying to look out for any danger.

If Saeyoung or Vanderwood sent him an SOS he was supposed to immediately leave, and send some coordinates to the chatroom. Jumin would know what to do.

Of course Saeran got mad. Saeyoung said he was only trying to protect him, but he wasn’t having any of that shit.

When Vanderwood and Saeyoung left for the building, they hadn’t made up, and Saeran was still mad.

Both men made their way slowly to the building. Saeyoung had always preferred being sneaky instead of taking out every guard they found. But Vanderwood decided to not take any chances, and whenever he could he would kill one of the guards.

Still, they walked quietly, hiding in the shadows, and of course they went unnoticed I mean, both of them were the best of the best. Sneaking through those guards was a piece of cake.

Slowly, Saeyoung and Vanderwood reached the third floor. In there, Vanderwood had to take care of a few...nuisances....but quickly the made it into the door and opened it.

The room smelled horrible. It smelled strongly of iron, and of something...rotten.

There was an endless pile of corpses in front of them. Saeyoung quickly got over to it, searching and scanning, hoping that it wasn’t true, that he was wrong.

“Zero seven!!! In here!” Vanderwood screamed and Saeyoung quickly looked behind him.

Vanderwood was in a corner, his gun pointing at the door. “You go get her out while I look out for any more guards.”

Saeyoung quickly nodded and went over to where Vanderwood had pointed.

And he felt his knees buckle.

You were tied up, undressed, with your arms above your head, your face and body filled with cuts and bruises.

Parts of your stomach were a deep purple, and your arms had x’s cut all over them.

Saeyoung...he froze.

Seeing you like that.

It was his worst nightmare.

It was the one scenario that had always haunted him, that made him unable to sleep at night.

And it was happening right now.

Saeyoung made his way over to you, and you let out a dry gasp as you tried to squirm. Saeyoung felt his heart crack as he saw your terrified eyes look up at him.

But then...your expression. It changed. It went from scared...to being glad. To being happy.

Saeyoung...he thought he’d never see that expression again.

“Sae...Sae...young? Sae...young is...is it....really you? I’m...I’m not....dreaming am I?” Your voice cracked, as you tried to let the words out, and your eyes started filling with tears.

Saeyoung sniffed and he cupped your cheeks.

“It’s me. Y/N....it’s, it’s really me...”

When he broke your chains you fell to the ground, but Saeyoung quickly caught you and hugged you, running his hands through your hair, crying, sobbing. You were alive....you were alive and he had found you.

Saeyoung took off his sweater, and gave it to you. As he helped you out it on, he slowly looked at your body.

Cuts and bruises. All recent. He saw them on your neck, on your legs, everywhere. He had to control himself to not go on a murder spree right then and there.

“Hey. We don’t have much time. Move it.”

Vanderwood said, and then his eyes widened as he took a good look at you. His hand tightened around his gun, and his expression became dark. He didn’t say anything, but he along with Saeyoung helped you stand up.

You could barely walk, since your legs were so beaten up.

The whole time Saeyoung carried you he cried. He just...this was all his fault. Everything.

He was so shcoked that he could barely breathe, everytime he looked at you he felt a pamg on his chest. This was all because of him.

You quietly made your way down to the first floor, you whimpering every time you walked a bit.

“Hey...hey Y/N. Look at me. It’s going to be alright, everything is ok.” Saeyoung tried to encourage you, to try and show you he was confident everything would turn out alright.

But he was lying.

He knew that as soon as you got to a hospital he had to leave. Leave you, leave his brother, leave the RFA, everything. If he stayed...he would only hurt them. He would hurt you.

“SAEYOUNG FUCKING MOVE THEY’RE BEHIND US” Vanderwood screamed, and Saeyoung snapped out of it.

He carried you on his back, running as fast as he could, the guards close behind you.

Gunshots and yells could be heard everywhere, Vanderwood kept turning around to try and shoot, but he only managed to get a few guys.

You cried, as you heard shots so near you, so near Saeyoung.

You didn’t want him to be hurt.

Then, as you were finally near to the exit, only three guys remaining, Saeyoung screamed and fell, bringing you down with him.

Vanderwood cursed everything, and turned back to shoot at the other guys, trying to cover you both.

You slowly crawled over to Saeyoung, who was on the floor, screaming in pain.

They shot him in the leg.

You cried, as you tried to stop the bleeding, but Saeyoung managed to stand up.

He didn’t hear yours or Vanderwood’s protest as he grabbed your arm and led you outside.

Thankfully, Vanderwood managed to hurt all of the remaining guards, shooting them in the legs, and making them unable to move.

Vanderwood came out first and called out to Saeran, telling him to call an ambulance, now.

Saeyoung thightly gripped your hand, and led you out of the building.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the blue night sky above him. And he couldn’t help but smile.

They got out.

You were safe.

You were alive.

Saeyoung couldn’t believe it. His heart was pounding and he could barely make out the yells of Vanderwood and Saeran in the distance, and they ran toward him.

He squeezed your hand, not caring about his wound, not caring about anything. He was just happy, to finally be getting out of that horrible place.

But then the next thing he heard, was a deafening explosion behind him.

...........

“I love you so much.” Saeyoung whispered, and you blushed, hiding underneath the sheets. He laughed and pulled them down.

“What? I really do. I love you. A lot. So much that....that I want to have a future with you. I want to take it to the next step. I’m serious.” You giggled and smiled up at your boyfriend, who grabbed you and held you tight, both of your bare chests against each other.

“Saeyoung Choi, are you proposing to me right after we had sex?” You said teasingly, and Saeyoung chuckled.

“Even though this may have been the best sex we’ve ever had, I’m afraid not. But don’t worry, one of these day’s I’ll catch you by surprise, and you’d better say yes. I’m not kidding Y/N.” He caressed your cheek and kissed your forehead.

“I want to marry you. And I will. I want to spend every single moment of my life with you. I want us to get a big house, with a huge backyard. And then, we can modify it so it becomes the coolest house ever!”

“Ohhh can we have a chandelier that pours the drinks?!” You asked excitedly, and Saeyoung nodded.

“Yes ma’am! Even Jumin will be jealous of our home! And after the house is done...well... I want to start a family. I want to see our kids take their first steps, build robots. I want them to have...the childhood I never had. I want to make them the happiest children on earth. And then, before we know it, they’ll get in first grade, and in the blink of an eye they’ll be graduating, and out of the house. They’ll get jobs, their own partners, if they want they’ll even have kids! Or cats, I’m happy with either. And we...we will still be together.”

Saeyoung kissed you and then gave you the brightest smile. “I want us to grow old together in that house. We’ll be taking walks in the garden, or we can read some books. Sometimes dance slowly in the kitchen, our favorite song playing. And I will make sure that happens Y/N. I promise...and you’d better promise too! If you’re with me, you’re stuck with me for the long run!” You laughed and pinched his cheeks.

“Of course I promise! Let’s grow old together, Saeyoung!!”

.........

There was smoke.

The smell of metal, and burning flesh.

Saeyoung looked around, coughing, and then he realized what had happened.

The building had blown up.

Wait...where were you!!?

Saeyoung looked around, his heart about to go out of his chest.

I mean, he was holding your hand wasn’t he? He was?

He could...he could even feel it still around him.

Saeyoung sighed and looked to his side, ready to carry you up and get you away from there.

But then...you weren’t there.

But....he was....holding your.....

Saeyoung looked down, and saw a bloody arm tightly around his hand.

Then everything went black.

He didn’t hear anything.

He couldn’t feel.

He couldn’t think.

He didn’t feel the burns in his back.

Or his broken leg.

Or when Saeran ran over to him and shook him, screaming something.

Saeyoung didn’t notice when a helicopter arrived, and Jumin and some paramedics got out of it.

He was...his head was....it was blank.

If you ask him about the following weeks after the incident, Saeyoung couldn’t reply.

He didn’t remeber.

Everyday, Saeran would come and visit his brother and Vanderwood, who had been hit by a rock and was currently unable to wake up.

The doctors said, ironically, that Saeyoung was absolutely lucky, he did get some very grave burns and everything, but he was somehow still alive!

But he wasn’t either of those things.

The love of his life had been blown to pieces in front of him.

And inside...he didn’t even feel alive anymore.

He didn’t want to...live anymore.

Saeyoung only ate when they forced him to eat, and he only slept when they forced him to sleep.

Saeran would always visit him.

He knew...he knew what it was like. To feel nothing, to not think or to not feel.

And Saeran...he cared for his brother. Deeply.

Saeyoung never noticed him. But sometimes Saeran would go to the corner and cry a bit.

After all....Saeyoung wasn’t Saeyoung anymore.

..........

“Hey.” Saeyoung heard a deep voice call from behind.

He didn’t turn around.

“Oh wow Vanderwood, you woke up? Why yes Saeyoung I did, thanks for caring about me you little brat”

Vanderwood said sarcastically, and then he plopped down on a chair near the bed.

He was wearing a bandage around his head, and he looked thinner.

Vanderwood looked at Saeyoung for a while, and then he gently placed a hand on his head.

“Kid. I’m sorry. She was...she was amazing wasn’t she? Always positive, smiling. Y/N, she made all of our lives better. That’s what she always did.”

Saeyoung clutched his fists when he heard your name.

Before Vanderwood could say anything else Saeyoung spoke up.

“Leave. And don’t say her name ever again or I swear I will fuckign murder you.” He said coldly.

Vanderwood’s eyes widened, and he stood up and stomped out of the room, slamming the door.

Saeyoung immediately regretted his words. But he only bit his lip and quietly cried until he fell asleep.

.........

The funeral was held after Saeyoung had healed. Fully. There was no problem delaying it, since there was literally no body.

Everyone in the RFA showed up.

The day was sunny, and Saeyoung bitterly laughed as he thought that of course the day of your funeral you’d make the weather be so perfect.

.......

Saeran made Saeyoung see a therapist.

Saeyoung didn’t want to. He refused.

But one night Saeran couldn’t find his brother anywhere, and he saw that one of the cars wasn’t in the garage.

He managed to track his twin’s phone, and he quickly drove over to where Saeyoung was, not caring about following any of the signs or to care about other cars.

He got there quickly. And he saw Saeyoung....standing on top of a cliff.

Saeran felt his heart drop, and he slowly made his way to his brother.

“S-Saeyoung! Please listen to me!” Saeran begged. He had been doing that for so long now, every time getting more and more desperate. Saeyoung shook his head and explained that he was a failure, he was only going to cause harm.

“Just, let me be Saeran! You’ll all be better of without me...”

“Don’t say that you fuckign bastard.” Saeran grabbed Saeyoung’s shoulders when he least expected it, and quickly pinned him down. “I NEED YOU SAEYOUNG. I really do! Please, PLEASE don’t make this stupid fucking mistake! You think Y/N would have liked that?! For you to become a mess, to KILL yourself? I’m pretty sure she’d kick your ass if you ever even thought of that!”

Saeyoung looked at his brother, an emotionless expression on his face. He didn’t seem to care that Saeran was crying for him. That he was yelling at him, telling him to stop, that he loves him, and that he doesn’t know what he would do without his brother.

After that he went to a therapist. Even though it did take time, Saeyoung got a bit better. He started talking more, and he didn’t stay in his room all the time.

Recently he’d been prescribed anti depressants, so that was supposed to be helping him.

But Saeyoung still felt empty.

.........

“Y/N. Y/N was...is...the love of my life. You know, I promised her I’d never stop loving her, and I never will. She was...the light of the RFA. She helped us all., she was always there for us. Now...now that she’s gone....everything seems so colorless...meaningless. She was one of the few people who...who saw me for me. She put up with all my shit, always with a smile on her face, no matter how much of an asshole I was, she’d be there. She was there for all of us. Now...now whenever I wake up it’s in an empty bed. I won’t get to hear her cooking in the kitchen, dancing or singing along to cheesy pop songs again. She won’t be there to watch those cringy reality tv shows, to, to nag me when I don’t eat something healthy. I always thought that...that we’d end up together forever, which is why I never really appreciated those moments. I’m sure she’s nagging at me right now for being so depressed. Y/N...Y/N...she, she didn’t deserve this. If I could go back in time...I’d make sure that instead of her, it was me. She’s a much better person, and she didn’t deserve any of this and....I’m sorry. I should probably shut up now, uhm, Jumin it’s your turn.”

Saeyoung left the funeral early. He couldn’t handle it.

Saeran offered to bring him home, but he smiled and told him it’s alright. He was just a bit tired.

As soon as he turned on the car, the radio started to play your favorite song. And he tightened his hands around the wheel.

He rode home, silently.

He didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He quickly went to the bathroom, and washed his face. When he looked in the mirror, he could barely recognize himself. His eyes were red, with big eye bags, and his hair was greasy and messy. It had been so long since he last got a haircut.

He looked awful.

Then he went to his bedroom, and grabbed something from under the bed.

It was a red box.

Saeyoung made his way to the bathroom once again, and sat on the toilet, slowly opening the box.

Inside was a beautiful ruby ring.

He had gotten it six months before you got kidnapped.

He was going to propose soon.

But you had a fight.

He doesn’t even remeber what it was about.

But that day you went home early and Saeyoung went over to Yoosung’s, along with Saeran.

When he came back home to apologize, the place was a mess and you weren’t around.

He spent sleepless nights looking for you, finding out everything he could.

And then he screwed everything up.

If only it had been him the one who died.

If only you had never tried to get close to him, if only you had fallen in love with someone else.

You’d be alive right now.

Saeyoung sobbed, and squeezed the ring tightly in his hand.

“I’m sorry my love. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you. That I wasn’t strong enough. And I’m sorry....about what I want to do. Please forgive me.”

And with that, Saeyoung got on top of the toilet and managed to lift a part of the roof up. It was one of his hiding spots.

Right now, Saeran was doing amazing. Vanderwood too. Everyone in the RFA would slowly feel better, they would manage to accept what happened and will surely, but slowly move on ....except him.

Saeyoung sat on the toilet again, and placed the cool metal object against his head, tears slowly streaming down.

He closed his eyes, and imagined your face, your sweet laugh.

He imagined the both of you holding each other in a heated embrace, or watching movies together, or even traveling the world!

“Y/N...I’ll be there soon...I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

As he smiled bitterly, fantasizing and remembering all the moments he spent with you....he pulled the trigger.

———-

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry if that was way too dark. If MC died because of soemthing like the agency...Saeyoung wouldn’t forgive himself. No matter what.

He will blame himself and will try to distance himself so that no one else encounters the same faith. Once again, sorry for making it super angsty

If you have any advice for my writing it’d be greatly appreciated!

[lovingoneweisalifestyle]

Some angst -(totally not inspired by TRAUMA aquarium 😇 hehe) onewe as boyfriends how they deal if their s/o is having hard time sometimes cause of past trauma (could be just being jumpy or scared or anything also I feel like if you choose to write this it will take a long time 😅😅 sorry about that)

TW // Mentions of phyiscal abuse, death, and drowning

A/N: Here you go! It didn’t take that long once I got some ideas.

Yonghoon:

Yonghoon and you were fighting about silly things. How he left the room a mess and how you’re tired of cleaning up after him.

He lifted his hand to sweep back his hair when he saw you flinch. He immediately hugged you. You kept shaking and started crying at your past memories.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to hit you, where’d you get that thought from?” he wiped away your tears.

You decided it was time to tell Yonghoon. You sat him down and told him about how your parents used to hit you whenever you got into aruguments before child services came to help you. How your parents were abusive and didn’t care about you. Yonghoon hugged you tight.

Your tears couldn’t stop falling. He hugged you tightly and wiped away your tears and held your hands until you could calm down.

You both talked about how he could help you. He assured you that he’d never do something like that.

“It’s horrible that you went through this. Nobody should go through this. I’ll take good care of you so you can overcome this.” he cheered you on

Harin:

You were going for a job interview. It was a really high building so your breath left you the moment you looked up at the building. You started breathing hard and your legs gave out.

A kind stranger asked if you were okay and helped you to a bench outside. They even called your emergency contact for you which was Harin.

Harin ran over as soon as he heard. He saw you sitting on the bench, staring at the floor.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Harin asked panicked

You stayed silent. Harin sat down next to you and held your hand. “I was really worried about you.”

You took a deep breath, “I almost fell off a building when I was younger. I was fooling around with some of my friends and I almost fell off. Since then, every time I saw a tall building, I freeze up, I can’t breathe and my legs feel like jelly. I asked my doctor but she told me that i’m just suffering from a traumatic experience.”

Harin rubbed his hand over your thumb while listening intently. He asked how he could help you. You shook your head, “I don’t know if you can help me with this.”

Later that day, Harin researched about what he could do and how he could help you. He tried his best to support you and just be there for you, if he couldn’t do anything else.    

Kanghyun:

You came to visit Hyungu at the filming set of their MV only to find out it was out in the open which meant bugs. You were on edge the whole day, always looking around you.

“Are you a wanted criminal?” Hyungu joked

You looked at him confused, “why do you keep looking around like your being hunted?” he asked

You just laughed it off but then a bug flew on to your arm. You started flailing your arms and shaking.

He seemed really concered, “it’s okay, calm down. It’s only a bug” he tried to console you

You pushed him away and went to sit in the car. He knocked on the window and you rolled it down. “Can I come in?” he asked

He sat in the backseat with you. “You don’t like bugs?” he asked getting to the point.

You shook your head, “no. I got bit by a bug when I went camping with my family and the bug was poisionous. I almost died. So, i don’t like bugs”

He nodded understanding your situation, “shall we go home?” he asked

“but don’t you need to film?” you looked up at him

He smiled, “I finished a little bit before you came”

Now that he knew, he made sure that you stayed away from places with lots of bugs.

Dongmyeong:

It was loud. Very loud. Too loud. You suddenly felt dizzy. Your vision was getting blurry. That’s the last thing you remember.

You woke up in a bed. A hospital bed. Dongmyeong sitting on a chair beside your bed, holding your hand. Your parents on the other, holding your other hand.

Your head hurt. As soon as your parents saw your eyes open, they called for a nurse right away. Dongmyeong looked at you, his eyes full of relief and worry.

The nurse checked your vitals and everything was normal.

“How do you feel?” your parents asked

“My head hurts” you croaked, your throat dry from dehydration.

“That’s normal, you did fall on your head after all. Everything looks normal and you can be discharged in two days after we run a few more tests.” the nurse answered.

Your parents went to go fill out some forms while Dongmyeong stayed with you. He didn’t say anything but you could tell he wondered what happened.

You took his hand and sat up, “Dongmyeong. Why aren’t you asking me about what happened, aren’t you curious?”

“I am but if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. I’ll be ready to listen when you’re ready to tell me.” he gave you a reassuring smile.

“I went missing in a crowded, loud place when I was 6 or 7 years old. I was missing for 2 days and being in crowded places triggers me. I went to therapy but it didn’t help much.” you told him the story.

He smiled at you, “you’re so strong. I’m here to help you now, you have me.”

CyA:

You were at the public pool with your friends even though you don’t swim because you drove them after going to the mall.

You were walking and you slipped and fell into the pool. You wave your hands and call for help. The lifeguard notices you and jumps in the pool to help you.

“are you okay?” the lifeguard asks. You thank them and pull a towel out of your friends bag. Your clothes were soaking wet and you sat with the towel wraped around you, crying into your knees.

Your friends comfort you and Giuk meets you guys inside because he promised to meet with your friends today. He walks inside to see your friends huddled around you with you sobbing uncontrollably with your knees pulled up to your chest.

His eyes filled with worry as he made his way to you. He greeted your friends briefly and bent down and looked up at you. He looked in your eyes and coached you through some breathing exercises.

After you calmed down, he noticed your clothes were soaking wet. Your friends lent you some of their spare clothes so you wouldn’t catch a cold.

As you both are walking you started speaking, “You must be wondering why I was crying. Why did you have to see me like that?” your voice as small as a whisper.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” he assured you.

“I almost drowned when I was little and now i’m scarred of water. It’s just some PTSD, i’m okay.” you explained

“I know what you’re going through. I have water trauma too.” he said calmly.

You felt relieved that he understood, “you do? Do you have a bad experience with water too?”

He nodded.

[reddie-fangirl24]

“You think this will last forever?” Any ship !!

NOTE: This fic is based on a scene from When Harry Met Sally. @reverend-spines and @thoughtfullyyoungduck‘s requests are also in this piece. I hope you enjoy it!

Support me on my Ko-Fi!

Feeling his phone buzz in his pocket, Richie’s face lit up when he saw that it was Eddie calling him. “Hey, Spaghed’s, what’s up?”

“Richie, um... I need to talk to you.” Eddie was so distraught on the other end of the phone that he sounded like he was barely keeping it together. His voice was failing him, whimpering. And his breathing was rushed.

Alarmed, Richie quickly started to walk back to his car. He noticed Steve give him a questionable look when he saw him retreat. “What’s going on?” Richie asked him.

“Can you come over, please?” Eddie begged, his voice breaking into shambles.

“I’m on my way!” Richie started up the car and he was off. Too bad there was traffic. L.A. summed up for you. Eddie was way more important than a meeting with Steve. Actually, Steve was blowing up his phone with texts.

Richie drove as fast as he could to the apartment that he helped Eddie search for when he came to L.A. Part of him wished that they lived together but it was Eddie’s decision after all. He was the one who flew out here after he told his horrible wife that he wanted a divorce. Finally, all that was settled a month ago after a grueling five months of arguments and accusations. 

Hurrying up the stairs to the third floor, Richie knocked on the door. Unfortunately, he misplaced the key that Eddie gave him. Strange, the knock felt different. Hollow. Empty.

Answering the door, Eddie’s tear-streaked, red eyes face broke Richie’s heart. The man was a mess, shaking all over and holding his inhaler tightly. They were trying to get rid of the useless medication that he never needed. Some days were too hard for Eddie who relived awful flashbacks to his childhood.

“What’s the matter?” Richie asked him. He only opened the door a bit, but Richie could see all the tissues skewered about.

“She’s seeing someone else!” Eddie tried to collect himself. Unable to hold it together any longer, Eddie began sobbing, awful cries that cracked Richie’s ears.

Coming into the apartment, they closed the door so nobody else would hear. People were so nosy in this building. “Who?”

Eddie’s mouth trembled, the features of his face turning into anger as his fists curled up. “Myra has been seeing someone else in the last year,” he announced brokenly. Richie’s eyes grew. “That means that she was cheating on me while we were married! And she gave that bullshit story that If cheated on her!”

Richie was quiet, not sure what he should say to make this better. He watches as Eddie paced the room in frustration, his breathing rapid and rough.

“She never loved me!” he declared, his voice close to hysterics.

“Eds,” Richie tried to reach out to him.

“No! I never had a fucking clue on what love was, and I still don’t! I’m such an idiot!” Eddie screamed whacking himself upside the head. “Of course that’s the reason why she was coming home later! But she just wanted to make me suffer! That’s all she wanted to do right from the start...”

Grasping him by the shoulders, and restraining his hands, Richie looked into his broken eyes, holding him gently. “I think someone needs a hug.”

Eddie collapsed into Richie’s arms, sobbing against his Hawaiian shirt. Richie didn’t care. He had tons. Richie was so good to him, actually letting him soak his clothing with his tears without a care in the world. The way he held him was very different from Myra. When she did hold him, that is. But she held him without any sympathy.

“Didn’t I matter?” Eddie whimpered, resting his head against Richie’s shoulder, like a child.

“She was never worth it, Eddie,” Richie told him, gently.

Eddie sighed this dreadful noise that made Richie continue to stroke his hand up and down Eddie’s spine. He felt Eddie’s muscles relax under his touch, and his breathing slow. “There’s nothing to love about me.”

“Don’t say that,” Richie told him as a warning, smoothing his hair. At first, Eddie was no used to that. He was not used to any physical affection at all. With Richie it was different.

“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Eddie broke away from their warm embrace, his face haggard. They stood apart as Richie let him get his thoughts together. “When I asked for a divorce she agreed right away - no hesitation. I didn’t want to marry her but - but...” Eddie couldn’t finish the rest of the sentence, knowing full well of what would come out of his mouth. It was so despicable that it made him want to gag, to cry, to cream. Right now he didn’t know what as he angrily stared into space as he listened to the clock tick.

He was in such a trance that he didn’t notice that Richie was leading him into his bedroom. For some reason, Eddie chose the smallest apartment with hardly any space in only three rooms. Some days it made him claustrophobic, waking up some nights after terrible nightmares unable to catch his breath.

“Don’t cry, come sit with me under the blanket,” Richie told him gently. Whenever one of them was having a bad day they found that sitting together in the warmth of a blanket together made everything better. But they never did so in a bed until now.

Eddie was quiet, letting Richie make him comfortable until he got into the bed next to him. He scooped up the comforter and wrapped it around their shoulders. The way Richie held him letting him lean his head on his chest like a pillow as he swayed made Eddie felt this emotion deep within. Richie came right when he called him. He let him cry. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

And then Richie started to hum a little tune. Eddie’s insides tingled, enraptured by the sound of Richie’s heart beating more and more. Slowly picking his head up, Eddie met Richie’s eyes, staring into his blue eyes. Before he knew it, they were kissing. Not just small kisses. Fiery intense kisses that turned into more than just a make-out session. 

That very next morning when they woke up, side by side, still nude, none of them were sure what to think about their romantic evening.

“Hi,” Eddie greeted Richie, staring into his blue eyes. He was still spooning him.

“I never knew how much you hogged the blankets,” Richie snickered, also very happy. He gave his cheek a little kiss.

Although he was happy, there was still an underlying fear in Eddie’s eyes. Love scared him, especially now. Because he ran away from the feelings that he had for Richie for so long, he was scared about ruining this. Was this right?

“You think...” Eddie started but he stopped, grasping Richie’s arms. “... this will last forever?”

Not sure how to answer that question, Richie smiled tenderly and kissed Eddie’s nose. “We’ll see what happens, Eds. All I know is that I am going to love you like nobody else ever has for the rest of your life. There’s no getting rid of me.”

“Boy, aren’t I lucky,” Eddie said sarcastically.

Richie smiled again. “You are.”

[writeyouin]

Connor X Reader - Do You Dream? Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Different

A/N – Just a short chapter, my loves. Hope you all enjoy it.

Warnings – Mild NSFW.

Rating – T

You weren’t sure what to do. When you were the Flayer’s prisoner, you had never really believed that you were going to escape. Now that you were free, everything felt wrong, like you were part of a timeline that was never meant to be. You had continued living with Hank and Connor, though you had moved back to the sofa after the first week; Hank told you that it was your home as much as theirs now and that you could stay as long as you wanted. All the same, it didn’t feel like you belonged there anymore.

Hank, Connor, and the few people that had come to visit you were treating you as if you were made of glass and would break at any mention of the Flayer or even regular crime. Your conversation often revolved around ‘safe topics,’ such as the weather, holidays, the weather, family, and if all else failed, the weather.

It was a relief when Gavin started texting you; he wouldn’t visit anywhere Connor might be but he at least spent time messaging you. You smiled as the next text arrived.

‘(Y/N), It’s been a week already. When the fuck you gonna stop being a little bitch and come back to work? It’s too fucking dull without your hot ass to stare at.’

Although the text was somewhat derogatory in nature, it had the desired effect of making you smile; at least one person was treating you the same as always. You sent a reply back.

‘Shut up and do my paperwork like a good boy.’

‘Oh, so now I’m your errand boy?’

‘What you mean, now? You’ve always been my errand boy, bitch.’

‘Asshole.’

That was the end of the small text chain for now. Perfect timing, you thought as Connor came back from work. Ever since your rescue, he had requested to be put on half days. Captain Fowler wasn’t happy to lose his best detective but he tried to accommodate the request; the best he could do was offer two half days a week with three full days at work.

“Hey Con, good day at work?” You asked.

“It was fine,” Connor answered stoically.

“Yeah? What cases are you on?”

“Oh, nothing too big. You know, a few muggings at best. Things are quiet at the moment.”

You wilted somewhat at his reply. It was clearly a lie to protect you, but you didn’t question it. Anxious to fill the lull in the conversation, Connor spoke up again, “So, you feel like another movie today?”

“Actually, I was about to take Sumo out.”

“Really?” Connor asked concernedly. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Some fresh air will be good for me.”

“Then… Please may I join you?”

“Sure. C’mon, we can get Sumo good and muddy in the park. I want to push a few of Hank’s buttons today.”

With that, the two of you walked back outside with Sumo lumbering between you.

Unfortunately, Sumo did not come home muddy. In fact, he was as clean as a whistle since Detroit’s first frost had coated the park. You kept muttering about what a disappointment it was in the hopes that Connor might go back and forth with you in your old banter, but it was no use, he simply wasn’t going to bite. Instead he kept glancing around as if to make sure that nobody else was going to appear and kidnap you; you hadn’t seen him act this paranoid since before he deviated.

When the two of you got back to the house and let Sumo off his lead, you turned to Connor.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

Connor’s LED turned yellow indicating his shock and he reached up subconsciously to hide it, still trying to maintain the façade that everything was okay. “No, no of course not, what would give you that-”

“Everyone’s been treating me differently Connor and don’t try denying it. I know that I went through something horrible, and I know that I’m going to have to tell everyone what happened in the court case and that the Flayer might get off scot-free. I also know that the Captain wouldn’t waste your time on stupid cases like muggings. You don’t have to treat me like I’m going to break if I hear about a crime. We’re detectives, it’s a part of who we are. So please, at least let us go back to normal. I miss my best friend.”

Connor sighed, pacing the living room and dragging his hand down his face. His LED was swirling red now with only the occasional flicker of yellow breaking through. “I- I don’t know what to say to you anymore. I can’t- I can’t be your protector. I already failed as that. You suffered because of me.”

“I suffered because of the Kevin Jacob,” You said firmly.

“No. In the park I- You- It’s because- because-”

“Because what?”

“Because you don’t want me the way I want you!” Connor looked down to the floor, regretting the words as soon as they had left his mouth. He kept thinking back to the night at the park and how his mistake started the domino effect that drove you into the Flayer’s clutches; would you leave him again now that he had made the same mistake?

“You’re wrong,” You murmured.

Connor’s head snapped up. He didn’t believe his ears; surely you didn’t mean what he thought you meant.

“I- I had a lot of time to think when I was…” You took a deep breath, stuck in memories of the cold, dark and dank cellar which you had been imprisoned in. “When I was in that place. I just kept thinking about all those awful things I said to you because it wasn’t the right time and… I want,” You took a tentative step towards Connor who remained perfectly still, his artificial breath stuck in his throat. “I want-”

Although he knew it was risky, Connor couldn’t wait any longer. He closed the gap between the two of you, put both hands on either side of your face and kissed you, even more anxious than the first time he had done so. However, this time instead of pulling away, you wrapped your arms around his waist, drawing him closer.

Feeling a wetness against his lips, Connor pulled away. “You’re crying,” He remarked sadly.

“I never thought I’d get the chance to tell you.”

Connor wiped your tears away gently and kissed you again, hardly believing the turn of events that had led him there. He wanted this, he wanted you. As long as you wanted him then he would always be there to protect you; he would be your love, your equal, you puppet, and your slave, so long as it would make you happy.

From kissing, it seemed that neither you or Connor could stop. The pent-up feelings that had been brewing in the two of you had finally hit their climax. One minute, the two of you were just kissing, the next, your hands were in his hair and the two of you were stumbling over to the sofa.

Connor kneeled over you, the hand that wasn’t supporting him ran eagerly down your side causing you to shudder pleasantly. He seemed to sense whenever you needed a break to breath, but as soon as you had gotten single breaths of air his mouth was back on top of yours, hungry for more.

For once, Connor didn’t let himself overthink. Instead, he reached under your shirt, hoping to forget all of the bad moments in a few moments of pleasure.

Before he could go any further however, he felt your own hand pushing at his chest, lifting him off you.

“Wait,” You breathed.

Panicking mildly, Connor stood up, leaving you alone on the sofa.

“Shit was that- Did I- Are you okay?” He asked, unsure of whether you were regretting your decision to be with him or if he had been doing something wrong. He suddenly envied the androids that had been made for the Eden Club; if he had only researched properly before, maybe things would be okay now.  “I’m sorry (Y/N). If I hurt you, just tell me and-”

“No, it’s- It’s just weird doing this here. I mean… You don’t have a room and if Hank decides to pay one of his breaktime visits to check on me, I don’t want him to catch us…” You trailed off awkwardly, blushing at the thought.

“Oh,” Connor nodded, feeling awkward himself now that the rush of simulated adrenalin was wearing off.

“We can go back to my place… if you want to.”

Connor nodded unsurely, “Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”

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[immacaria]

Xichengclipse2020 - Day 6: Reincarnation/Sacrifice

 “Great God!” He heard Isabella whisper as a million of images came to his mind. Him and Wei Wuxian arriving to Cloud Recess, meeting with the Twin Jades of Gusu, everything that happened, the discover that Lan Xichen was his soulmate and the denial. All of his history with Lan Xichen and even what he didn’t remember was being shown in the front of his eyes, quickly and almost insanely.   “Oh, gods!” Jiang Cheng breathed deep, letting go of Lan Huan’s hand. “I… I…”  “Wanyin?” Lan Huan whispered, slowly, eyes still unfocused. “Oh, my heart. I am so sorry!” He sobbed, reaching blindly to the smaller one. “Oh, Wanyin. I never wanted this to happen…”   “I’m here.” Jiang Cheng held Xichen’s hands, hoping that his soulmate would remember him even a little. He kept looking at his eyes until they focused on his again, slowly becoming golden. “Lan Xichen?”  “I thought we agreed in you calling me Huan, my heart.” Lan Xichen whispered, his hands going to Wanyin’s face. “My heart, my light, my Wanyin.” He murmured, pulling the immortal closer. “I love you, I love you. Thank you.” He kissed Jiang Cheng lightly on the lips, before he felt the smaller pulling in away.   “Wait a minute, your fucker! You promised me that you never would sacrifice yourself like that, your idiot! You promised that you would never leave me, Xichen!” Jiang Cheng grabbed his neck, making him bow over himself. “You never do that again to me, are you hearing me? Never again!” He let go of him, breathing deep. “Dear Gods, please don’t…”  “I won’t, I promise. And this is a promise I intend to keep.” Lan Huan whispered in his hair. Silence surrounded them, meaningless of all the noises around them. They stayed that way until Isabelle whispered at Laura.   “Does it mean that you have two hot dads now? Holy shit!”   “Izzy, please, shut up. Dad has been waiting for this for too long.” Laura whispered, hitting her. Jiang Cheng smiled against Xichen’s chest before turning to her, seeing a familiar figure behind her, waving a fan in front of his face.   “Huaisang…” He mumbled, seeing the boy, close his fan and bow a little at the recognition. He was alive too, maybe the others were too.   “Thank Laura for that.” Huaisang mouthed, silently. “You deserve it, Jiang-Xiong. No immortal should pass the amount of time you passed waiting for your soulmate again.” He smiled sadly. “Not even you, not even me. Be happy, Jiang-Xiong, we will meet again. I promise.” Nie Huaisang waved at him, before disappearing in the crowd. Well, maybe Jiang Cheng wasn’t the only secret the cultivators hide from the world, maybe there was a hope for him, but, for now he would just enjoy the fact that Zewu-Jun, Lan Xichen, Lan Huan, his light was back to him.   “Thank you, A-Sang.” He mouthed to the air, before turning to his husband and his daughter, happy into meeting his future, happy that he finally was going to love again. “Dad?” Laura called, from inside the school, raising a hand to silence her friend.  “What’s wrong?” Her friend asked, turning to Jiang Cheng, who still were stuck on the ground, staring at the man who couldn’t be Lan Xichen, he simply couldn’t. “Mr. Jiang? Are you okay?” Laura and her walked to him as he did everything he could to turn to them, but he was there, his husband was there in front of him. That was the only thing Jiang Cheng thanked the gods for, because whenever he wanted to remember Lan Huan’s laugh or the way he smiled happily at him, he would do it with perfection. But, now, the same voice of his memories and dreams were ringing in his ears, belonging to a breathing and moving man talking in a phone.  “Lan Huan.” He cried, a choke stuck on the back of his throat. The man looked up from his phone, looking around. “Oh, gods.” Jiang Cheng’s feet walked away from him, his hands going to his chest.   “Dad!” A girl called him, shaking his shoulder, afraid. “Dad!” Jiang Cheng looked at her beside him, feeling his heart rising, his breath shallow. “Dad, are you fine?” She asked, eyes scrutinizing his face with worry. Oh, that’s right, he wasn’t in China anymore, neither he was a Sect Leader anymore. Instead he was living in Europe, being a stuntman and raising a kid once again.   As a sad smile came to adorn Lan Xichen's features, he knew his life was coming to an end and the only thing he regret was not being able to enjoy more of his time with Wanyin, it was such a small time that Xichen couldn't help but mourn for its loss. Wanyin would be so sad, but it was for a greater good, Wanyin's greater good. If it all went wrong, at the very least, his lover and their son and nephew would be safe, his family would be fine. 

  "Huan!" Xichen heard Wanyin scream, but he couldn't move, even though he wanted to comfort him, hug him just one more time.  "Huan, don't do this to me. Don't you leave me too!" He cried out, the scream broking Xichen's heart in a million pieces. Lan Xichen knew that there was people holding Jiang Cheng back, on the contrary he already would be there with him. Thank you, gods., he thought, grate for the brave souls impending Sandou Shengshou' s impulsive decisions.  

 "I love you, Wanyin. For this live and all the ones to come." Lan Xichen, the Zewu-Jun, whispered to the wind, hoping it would calm his restless lover. "I love you. I love you. Thank you." He said, finally collapsing into the ground beneath him, not hearing Jiang Cheng's desperate cries, his sad mornings, his angered screams, his broken prays. Xichen didn't saw as Jiang Cheng worked harder and harder into cultivation, didn't saw his lover vanishing little by little, not wanting to be there without his soulmate. 

  Yes, he understood the sacrifice Lan Huan had made, but it was supposed to make him feel good about it? About letting the body of his husband behind because of the curse that horrible creature had put in him?! Was it meant to amenize the agonizing void on his chest?! Was it the reason why Lan Xichen choose to use his own body and spirit to seal all of that demons in that cavern without letting Jiang Cheng help?! Was Jiang Cheng expected to understand and accept what his husband had done? He didn't know and preferred that way, he didn't want anything to do with the GusuLan clan anymore. In truth, he didn't want anything to with cultivation itself, but he had responsibilities, which couldn't be denied. 

As time passed, everybody around him, slowly become to change, growing old with every drop of water, but Jiang Cheng remained the same. Immutable, immovable, immortal. He was obliged to see his brother die once again, joining Lan Wangji in death some days later. He had to see his nephew suffer through the death of the other three juniors, first Ouyang Zizhen went away in a night hunt, protecting Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling. After that, A-Huan followed his partner and dads in death as he developed as fatal disease after a disastrous hunt. Ironically, Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling lasted longer than everyone else. At least, them Jiang Cheng got to see grow older and raise the kids their adopted early in their life. 

  Now, almost four thousand years later, Jiang Cheng was doing an action movie. In the beginning, Jiang Cheng thought this type of entertainment wouldn’t last, but maybe he had guessed wrong. Anyway, an agent discovered him after he helped a young woman who had her purse stolen by little kid. In the end, Jiang Cheng got a job, a new kid to take care of and a friend without even realizing it. He liked the job, though, it allowed him to forget who he was, even if it was just by a minute or so, it let him be mortal again. 

  But, the cold truth always come back at him, the cold fact that he was alone in the world, fated by the gods to outlive everyone he loved, fated to suffer their absence for the rest of the eternity. By day, he tried to forget about his past, about the loss of his family and beloved ones, yet, when the night came, the once Sendou Shengshou couldn’t escape from the memories and the silent screams, couldn’t avoid the nightmares that creeped in his mind. For more than once, he had wake up with the urge to find Lan Huan, to make sure he was okay and alive and, all the same, he wanted to run away and forget everything about cultivation, the Lans and everything related to that. 

  Even now, Jiang Cheng still ran from them, hiding from the remainascent cultivators. Anyway, they now prefered to make sure their clans survived through the new and crazy modern world and had long forget about the Immortal Sect Leader Jiang, the Immortal Sendou. It was better that way, he didn’t need to worry about them sticking their noses where they didn’t belong, he could live his life with no worries beside having to stay low. Yet, in spite of everything, the Jiang Clan refused to let Jiang Wanyin alone, always making sure that he knew everything about his clan, never hiding anything from him, accepting his opinions without fear. 

  “Dad!” A girl called him, shaking his shoulder, afraid. “Dad!” Jiang Cheng looked at her beside him, feeling his heart rising, his breath shallow. “Dad, are you fine?” She asked, eyes scrutinizing his face with worry. Oh, that’s right, he wasn’t in China anymore, neither he was a Sect Leader anymore. Instead he was living in Europe, being a stuntman and raising a kid once again. 

 “Sorry, I fell asleep.” He murmured, rubbing his face, sleepy. “The movie already ended?” He looked to the black screen in front of him. 

  “It ended about a two hours ago, but that’s okay. You needed the sleep.” She smiled to him, patting his shoulder. “I just got scared when you started to scream. You seemed like you were about to combust.” Jiang Cheng froze, even though he knew she wouldn’t say anything, his daughter worried about him. “You were calling Huan again, you know?” She said, her eyes not focusing in anything in particular. “I know you adopt me after he was gone, but I can help but imagine how he was.” She whispered, looking up to the ceiling. 

  Since Jiang Cheng had adopt her when she was five years old, after he found her stealing, she always did everything in her power to make him happy even when he said she didn’t need to. Even now, in the verge of going yo college, Laura still tried to make everything good to him.

  “Do you think it would help talk about it?” She looked back at him, worried.

  “It was a long time ago, Laura. It doesn’t matter anymore.” He sighed, getting up. “C’mon, you have school tomorrow.” 

  “Yes, sir.” Laura smiled to him, before giving him a hug. “Don’t forget that I’m here, okay? Always.”

  “I know, sweetie. Now go to your room and you better being sleeping when I go check up on you or…”

  “You will break my legs, I know.” She smiled, dismissing him with a gesture, sighing exasperatedly. “I love you too.” Jin Ling would have liked her as would have Wei Wuxian, since the girl liked to prank her dad endless. He liked to think that Lan Huan would like Laura too even if she act a lot like Jiang Cheng most of the time, even using his famous phrase “I’ll break your legs!” 

  He had just let Laura on school when he stopped dead on his tracks, on the scene ahead him. It couldn’t be, the gods wouldn’t do something like that to him, not again, not after four thousand years. They cursed him with an immortal life and an impeccable memory, never failing whenever he needed to remember something.

  That was the only thing Jiang Cheng thanked the gods for, because whenever he wanted to remember Lan Huan’s laugh or the way he smiled happily at him, he would do it with perfection. But, now, the same voice of his memories and dreams were ringing in his ears, belonging to a breathing and moving man talking in a phone.

  “Lan Huan.” He cried, a choke stuck on the back of his throat. The man looked up from his phone, looking around. “Oh, gods.” Jiang Cheng’s feet walked away from him, his hands going to his chest. 

 “Dad?” Laura called, from inside the school, raising a hand to silence her friend.

  “What’s wrong?” Her friend asked, turning to Jiang Cheng, who still were stuck on the ground, staring at the man who couldn’t be Lan Xichen, he simply couldn’t. “Mr. Jiang? Are you okay?” Laura and her walked to him as he did everything he could to turn to them, but he was there, his husband was there in front of him. 

  “Sir, are you feeling anything?” Lan Huan, no, not his Lan Huan, someone with the same voice and face of his husband, but not him, asked getting close to him. “Sir?” 

  “What’s your name?” Jiang Cheng asked, feeling Laura beside him, breathless.

  “I’m Lan Huan.” The man said slowly, examining his face.

  “Oh, shit.” Laura said as her friend choked on the air. “He should be dead. He was dead.”  She said, eyes widening. 

  “Holy fuck!” Jiang Cheng whispered, still staring at the man. “I mean, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. But do I know you?”  The new Lan Huan asked, smiling at him, hands on his back. “I am almost certain that I know you from some places.”

  “I don’t think so. I’m Jiang Cheng and, this is my daughter, Laura.” Jiang Cheng answered, still a bit awestruck with the resemblance between them, standing a hand to him. “And her friend, Isabelle.” He eyed the girl, who were looking at the other with amazed eyes. 

  “Jiang Cheng.” He said his name as if testing it on his tongue. “A beautiful name.” Lan Huan said, smiling again. The same habit as the first one., Jiang Cheng thought sadly. “Well, I don’t quite remember seeing you from other places, but it would be a pleasure to do so, Jiang Cheng.” Lan Huan flirted, finally accepting his hand. 

 “Great God!” He heard Isabella whisper as a million of images came to his mind. Him and Wei Wuxian arriving to Cloud Recess, meeting with the Twin Jades of Gusu, everything that happened, the discover that Lan Xichen was his soulmate and the denial. All of his history with Lan Xichen and even what he didn’t remember was being shown in the front of his eyes, quickly and almost insanely. 

  “Oh, gods!” Jiang Cheng breathed deep, letting go of Lan Huan’s hand. “I… I…”

  “Wanyin?” Lan Huan whispered, slowly, eyes still unfocused. “Oh, my heart. I am so sorry!” He sobbed, reaching blindly to the smaller one. “Oh, Wanyin. I never wanted this to happen…” 

  “I’m here.” Jiang Cheng held Xichen’s hands, hoping that his soulmate would remember him even a little. He kept looking at his eyes until they focused on his again, slowly becoming golden. “Lan Xichen?”

  “I thought we agreed in you calling me Huan, my heart.” Lan Xichen whispered, his hands going to Wanyin’s face. “My heart, my light, my Wanyin.” He murmured, pulling the immortal closer. “I love you, I love you. Thank you.” He kissed Jiang Cheng lightly on the lips, before he felt the smaller pulling in away. 

  “Wait a minute, your fucker! You promised me that you never would sacrifice yourself like that, your idiot! You promised that you would never leave me, Xichen!” Jiang Cheng grabbed his neck, making him bow over himself. “You never do that again to me, are you hearing me? Never again!” He let go of him, breathing deep. “Dear Gods, please don’t…”

  “I won’t, I promise. And this is a promise I intend to keep.” Lan Huan whispered in his hair. Silence surrounded them, meaningless of all the noises around them. They stayed that way until Isabelle whispered at Laura. 

  “Does it mean that you have two hot dads now? Holy shit!” 

  “Izzy, please, shut up. Dad has been waiting for this for too long.” Laura whispered, hitting her. Jiang Cheng smiled against Xichen’s chest before turning to her, seeing a familiar figure behind her, waving a fan in front of his face. 

  “Huaisang…” He mumbled, seeing the boy, close his fan and bow a little at the recognition. He was alive too, maybe the others were too. 

  “Thank Laura for that.” Huaisang mouthed, silently. “You deserve it, Jiang-Xiong. No immortal should pass the amount of time you passed waiting for your soulmate again.” He smiled sadly. “Not even you, not even me. Be happy, Jiang-Xiong, we will meet again. I promise.” Nie Huaisang waved at him, before disappearing in the crowd. Well, maybe Jiang Cheng wasn’t the only secret the cultivators hide from the world, maybe there was a hope for him, but, for now he would just enjoy the fact that Zewu-Jun, Lan Xichen, Lan Huan, his light was back to him. 

  “Thank you, A-Sang.” He mouthed to the air, before turning to his husband and his daughter, happy into meeting his future, happy that he finally was going to love again.

________________________________________________________________

  So, here it is Day 6! I’m sure I never wrote this uch of angst in a fanfic. This prompt hit me with a brick, but I will live. I don’t know if I will be able to post the other two days in time, but I think I will post them anyway, slowly, but I will. Thank you for reading it until here! Hope you are safe and well in this trying times. 

@xichengclipse

[lgbtyrus]

Two Exes on Mars

A Tyrus fic where they’re aged up + broken up :) It will have a ‘happily ever after’, I promise. Note: IDK if you know your Andi Mack lore, but just in case, Shadyside is in a fictional US state called Midwest.

Part 1/? (I’m thinking 3 or 4)

Words: 2,668

He kissed him goodbye. It wasn’t even rainy or cloudy outside, much less foggy. It was super bright and sunny, and Cyrus could hear every single bird in Shadyside chirping as his now ex-boyfriend walked out the front door of his house. He waited until TJ was out of his driveway to shut the door and break out in tears, pressing his forehead and fist against his door.

Why? he wondered. Why? Why? Why?

But he knew why. He knew why TJ had let him go in the worst breakup in the world. He had tried to a week ago which led to Cyrus breaking down in front of him and ended up with them back together. But the tension between them was so obviously, and it lead to TJ’s horrible mood swings and random outbursts he never apologized for. It made Cyrus feel like crap. Then in the middle of the week, TJ tried breaking up with him over text. Cyrus ignored it, and TJ went over to his house the next day like nothing had happened. Not even three days later, TJ came over to break up him a third time. For good.

That just happened two minutes ago, and Cyrus silently let him leave this time. He shouldn’t have ever let him see him cry.

“You have to go to California, Cyrus,” TJ had told him, his eyes red and his hands clenching into tight fists. All Cyrus could do was stare at the floor. It’s not everyday you get a chance to go to USC, but it also meant leaving everyone you loved behind- including TJ. Him and TJ had been together since the 8th grade, and he had included TJ in all of his future plans. For him, being in a long distance relationship was a possibility, and he never thought TJ would be against it.

“I want to go to MSU,” Cyrus shook his head, refusing to look at him. TJ was going to MSU on a basketball scholarship, and yeah, they had a theatre and screenwriting, but it wasn’t USC. It was one of the hardest choices Cyrus had to make.

“You’re clearly lying, Cyrus,” TJ let out a frustrated sigh, “I know when you’re lying.” It’s true, he did. His hands always instinctively went inside a pocket, and Cyrus has never been able to stop it. “Cyrus. I know I’m the main reason why you want to stay in Midwest, but I want you to go to USC. It’s what you want.”

“Does that mean we have to break up, though?” Cyrus asked him sadly, his voice quiet. TJ ran his fingers through his blonde hair and let out a deep breath.

“We’d be doing long distance for four years, Cyrus. I don’t want to hold you back from being at your prime if you’re moping around missing me the entire time.”

“Are you just saying this because you’re the one that’s not going to be fine?” There wasn’t even a pause.

“Yes, Cyrus!” TJ said loudly, startling Cyrus. “I can’t spend four years of my life being sad because I miss you all the time, but I also can’t live with the guilt I’m going to feel if you don’t go to USC. This entire situation is driving me insane, and I really think breaking up is the best way to go.”

“You honestly think that?” Cyrus frowned, looking right up at him. He didn’t want to break down like he did the first time. “You’re just giving up? Not even giving long distance a try. After five years, TJ?”

TJ shamefully looked away before saying, “I love you, Cyrus. But I think it’d hurt less to let you go.”

“How?” Cyrus’ voice started to tremble as he spoke in complete disbelief, “How can you even say you love me right now?” TJ didn’t say anything. He just slowly walking up to Cyrus, each step taking its own time before cupping his face in his hands and kissing him softly.

TJ pulled away, whispering, “Bye, Cyrus.”

Cyrus was now sitting on his bedroom floor, playing music louder than his occasional sob. Andi and Buffy were on their way, but until then, it was him, and a lone polaroid picture he had of him and TJ on their first Valentine’s Day together right in front of him. Him and TJ were sitting on one side of the booth at The Spoon while Marty and Buffy sat on the other side. TJ had his arms around him and was smiling in to his cheek, leaving a very fluttered Cyrus to be captured forever.

“Cyrus!” someone yelled out from downstairs. “We’re here.”

“Upstairs!” Cyrus yelled out, his voice slightly cracking. He hadn’t spoken since TJ left, and his throat hurt. He was glad he left the door unlocked for them because he didn’t have the energy to move.

Andi peaked her head through his bedroom door, frowning when she saw him, “Hi, Cyrus.”

“Hey,” Cyrus waved, “come in.” He hadn’t seen Andi in about three weeks was she was getting busy with her senior art project for SAVA. He loved her for being here during a busy time. Buffy trailed in behind Andi with two loaded grocery bags.

“We brought ice cream and pie,” Buffy held the bags up. “We stopped by your kitchen to get utensils.”

“Thank you because I was not going to move,” Cyrus said. Andi and Buffy sat down on each side of him and rested their heads on his shoulder.

“You can cry if you want,” Andi told him.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “we bought three tissue boxes.”

“I’ve been crying for like an hour, and I’m just tired of it at this point. But this is also probably just the start,” Cyrus mumbled. “How am I supposed to accept that someone I talked to everyday for five years is leaving my life?”

“I know it hurts, Cyrus,” Buffy whispered. “But you’re stronger than you think. You’re going to get through this. Trust me. I’m always right.”

“I know you are,” Cyrus smiled slightly. “You know what sucks the most though?”

“What?” they asked in unison.

“We already have matching tuxedos from prom.” -

Cyrus and TJ showed up with new tuxedos to prom. Andi herself made Cyrus a brand new one. The according to different sources, both Cyrus and TJ had both begged Gus to cancel their Prom Court nomination. Gus thought it was funny until Buffy stepped in, and he got scared.

Cyrus and TJ didn’t sit together at lunch anymore or do homework together or visit the swing sets every Tuesday after TJ got out of tutoring. Cyrus submitted his paperwork to attend USC in the fall and according to Amber who was at Shadyside’s community college, TJ was going to go to MSU to play for their basketball team. Buffy and Marty would be seeing him at MSU seeing they got track scholarships.

Cyrus cried every night for the rest of the school year after finishing his homework because he worked to hard to have his GPA suffer over a boy who clearly didn’t care if he fell apart. He sometimes sat in the bathtub and let music fill his whole bathroom and no matter what, every single song would remind him of TJ. Of course, that was his fault for playing the playlists TJ had made him on Spotify. He wondered if he could see that he was listening to them. He hoped he did.

Cyrus didn’t have any communication with TJ since the last texts he sent him. It was a 2AM on a Saturday night, about three weeks since the breakup. He felt horrible and didn’t know how to stop crying. Even though Buffy had told him to call him whenever, he couldn’t keep dumping everything on her.

Cyrus: hey tj I hope im not waking u up idk if you still have your phone set so that u only get text alerts from me but I just wanted to say that I miss you.

Cyrus: I miss you so much tj idk what to do without you. Everything hurts all the time and I just want to talk to you and hear you voice even if we cant date anymore please talk to me. Please be my friend again tj we were best friends for 5 years we work so good together

Cyrus: I love you. I think that ill always be in love with you.

TJ: Goodnight Underdog.

Cyrus didn’t remember what time he went to sleep, but he felt like he cried for hours after that. The pain in his chest beat him up completely until he was too weak to flip his pillow to the dry side.

At their graduation, Cyrus gave a speech and then walked off stage to everyone in the auditorium clapping. It felt surreal. When he looked up smiling, out of all of the people he saw in the sea of graduates, he saw TJ clapping. He had his lip curled up in one corner which showed that he was on the verge of tears. That was the only time that night Cyrus wanted to cry.

-

A month into USC and without a doubt, Cyrus was homesick and probably depressed. He had made a great group of friends that were similar to him and super positive. He appreciated them, but 8 out of 10 times, they could never convince him to leave his room. He just stayed in and did homework and work on his script. It was about a man who gets his heart shattered and decided to move to Mars as part of a science experiment and when he’s already in space, he realize that his ex is one of the 100 people on board. Things quickly escalate. His friends loved the scripts and always asked to read updates, but he still sent snippets to Bex because he missed her.

It had been months since the breakup with TJ that happened late April. He should be over it now, he thought a lot of the time. But it still hurt. TJ really shot a hole in his heart and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t cry everyday like he used to. But every other few weeks, he snuck into the bathroom to cry so his roommate wouldn’t see. It was embarrassing to admit.

Cyrus kept things in a rotation. Script, class, eat, homework, sometimes friends, and sleep. It was hard to stay happy and to enjoy himself. It was hard to feel like he was living through something when he’s been dead inside for months. With Halloween coming up, he felt even worse. He’s never not had anyone to match costumes with. For five years, him and TJ did a couple’s costume and before that, him, Buffy, and Andi always had something up their sleeves. He missed all of them.

Then one day, his roommate let one of his friends into their dorm room. His roommate was part of his friend group, so there was that. Cyrus was working on his infamous script and didn’t even get a text that he was coming. Usually, he said no, though. “Hey, Rich,” Cyrus said as he walked in.

“Hey, Cy,” he said. “I was in the building and wanted to drop by.”

“Why’d you text Karson and not me?” Cyrus asked.  

“You always say no.”

“True. Anyways, what’s up?”

“We need one more person for our Halloween costume. It’s Full House. We need an Uncle Jesse. You in?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus grinned, “of course.”

-

“Damn,” his friend Bogie said. “That TJ foo fucked you up bad, huh?” All eight of them were sitting around a bonfire before Thanksgiving break. It had been a long night of confessions and telling each other things not a lot of other people knew. Somehow in the moment, Cyrus spent thirty minutes telling them the becoming and downfall of him and TJ. Rich had convinced him to go to therapy on campus early November, and Cyrus wished he had gone sooner. It was getting so much easier to be around his friends and have open conversations.

“Yeah,” Cyrus admitted. “I cried everyday for months. I still cry sometimes.”

“Is that why you spend forever in the bathroom?” Karson asked him. Cyrus nodded.

“Damn, Cy,” Roxana mumbled, “no wonder you were so distant at the beginning of the school year. I thought you were just stuck up, but I guess I was wrong. I’m glad you trust us now, though.”

“Me, too,” Cyrus said.

“So, this TJ,” Bogie asked, “what’s he up to?”

“Besides knowing that he plays basketball for Midwest State U, I have no idea. I haven’t talked to him since I last texted him after the breakup. I’m still good friends with his sister, but she never says anything.”

“Dang, so he’s a baller?” Bogie asked.

“Probably just getting fucked up at parties,” Mikhenna suggested. Cyrus didn’t respond. He just shrugged.

“Do you still love him?” Roxana asked him.

“I don’t think so,” Cyrus shook his head. “I’d be stupid to. But thanks for listening, guys. I feel a lot better. I feel like I belong and that I can finally move on.”

-

Cyrus didn’t see the point of flying all the way back home for a week long break, so he decided to stay behind in California and take a train to his aunt and uncle’s place. They had a daughter that thirteen and always had juicy middle school drama.

When he was laying down on the bed of the guest room, his phone started vibrating. Buffy was on Facetime, and he answered immediately saying, “Hey, Buff.”

“Hey, Cyrus,” Buffy grinned widely before switching the camera, “look who’s with me!”

Andi waved at the camera, “Hey, Cyrus!”

“Andi,” Cyrus grinned. “How are you? We haven’t talked in like four days.”

“I know right,” Andi laughed. “I’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m good, I’m good,” he said before registering completely that Andi was in Shadyside. “Wait,” he paused, “aren’t you supposed to be in Pennsylvania?”

“Yeah but a professor died, so they gave us two weeks off instead of three days and just postponed winter break.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea who he is,” Andi shrugged. “But where are you?”

“With my dad’s sister and her family. I’m just chilling and eating home made food before I go back,” Cyrus smiled. Andi moved over to sit next to Buffy and Cyrus noted that they were at the Mack’s place.

“So enough of that,” Buffy said and then looked at Andi who gave her a stern look. “Come on, let me tell him.”

“Well now you have to tell him,” Andi rolled his eyes.

“That’s very true,” Cyrus agreed.

“I know,” Buffy smirked. “That’s why I said that. Anyways,” she looked right at the camera, “we went to the mall with Amber in her car, but it broke down in the parking lot when we were leaving. She had to call TJ to come pick us up, which was already awkward enough because I always ignore him at school, but I was like whatever, it’s a twenty minute drive. Then in the car, literally, this man, I mean, boy, can ask any question. Any question in the world. Preferably, one directed at his sister, like you know, has your car been acting funky for a while? But he asks me and Andi, ‘How is Cyrus doing?’” Cyrus’ heart dropped. He hasn’t heard anything about TJ in so long he’s forgotten how to react.

“What did you say?” Cyrus asked nervously.

“I said that I charge $50 per fact,” Buffy said, “and he didn’t say anything else.”

“That’s weird,” Cyrus frowned. “I wonder why he doesn’t just ask Amber. I literally call her once a week, every Tuesday.”

“No idea,” Buffy said. “But maybe she just doesn’t answer him for the same reasons I didn’t.”

“Which are?”

“We love you.”

-

anyways follow my main @webarebares <3 thank you for reading! feel free to send asks if something was confusing or if a typo was horrible or just because. i luv u.

[raywritesthings]

Night Tremors

My Writing Fandom: The Flash Characters: Patty Spivot, Barry Allen Pairing: Barry Allen/Patty Spivot Summary: Patty finally gets her answers as to why Barry's been having nightmares. / AU Pre-Episode s2310 “Potential Energy” *Can be read on my AO3 or FFN, links are in bio*

Patty had always been a deep sleeper. Her dad used to say that she was so full of life and energy during the day that she needed the extra deep sleep to recharge those batteries. That wasn’t any different now that she was grown up and he was gone.

So it took a lot to wake her, but one night, she did find herself shaken awake. Though not exactly in the usual sense.

Patty turned her head, frowning as she found her sleep slipping away while her whole body seemed to tremble. Then it occurred to her that was because the mattress was vibrating. Did Barry have some kind of fancy bed…?

But when Patty sat up, adjusted the straps on her tank top and looked over at her boyfriend, she realized he was shaking. And not just because the mattress was. He was the one making it shake.

The edges of him almost seemed to blur as he shook, mumbling something in his sleep. “Not her… please…”

His voice came out of his blurred mouth distorted in a way she had only seen and heard once before: whenever she came across the Flash.

Patty clapped a hand to her mouth to avoid shouting out loud. Barry was the Flash? It made a horrible amount of sense, horrible because the last time she had seen the Flash she had shot him with a B.O.O.T. Even if he’d talked her down from killing Mardon and seemingly forgiven her, she had used a weapon on her boyfriend! How could he even want to be with her?

Though, he was apparently with her even in his dreams. “Patty… please, not Patty!”

Definitely a nightmare. He’d been having those off and on, usually just the regular tossing and turning that sometimes half-woke her in the night. She had tried to ask Iris if there was some way they could help him but nothing much had resulted. Knowing he was a literal superhero was a fairly crucial piece of context she had been missing until now.

Barry was getting louder, and that threatened to wake his family in their own rooms down the hall. Patty couldn’t exactly let that happen. For one thing, assuming they all knew his identity could be dangerous on the slim chance she was wrong. For another, it was awkward enough sleeping with her boyfriend in her partner’s house; she didn’t love the idea of Joe walking in on them in bed together. They were so moving this to her place from now on, Joe and his family closeness be damned.

“Barry?” Patty reached a hand out and touched his shoulder, the vibration running from him to her now making her arm sort of tingle. “Wake up. It’s just a dream.”

Barry’s eyes flew open and locked on her with panic. “Patty?”

In an eyeblink and a whoosh of air, she found herself suddenly cradled in his arms in the far corner of the room. Barry was hunched over them both as if to shield her from an attack.

What had he been put through to produce that strong of a reaction to a nightmare? People always said the Flash was the fun, rescue-your-cat-from-a-tree hero, but this was trauma. She thought about the speedster in navy blue who had dragged the Flash — Barry’s — body through the whole city one night. What had he been suffering through that whole time she’d thought he was lying about being sick?

He wasn’t quite with her yet, even if he was awake. Patty framed his face with her hands and brushed the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Barry’s breathing calmed, and he blinked when her lips brushed his cheek. She wat he’s him look around the room, his grip slackening.

“What… when did we—?”

“You were having a nightmare and kind of ran us here,” she told him with a significant look.

Barry’s mouth dropped open. “Oh god.”

“Yeah.”

For a single moment, she thought he might just drop her and flee. But he seemed to realize she was still holding him as closely as he was holding her still. “Patty, I- I was thinking about telling you soon. I mean, I wanted to. It felt like we were really, really going somewhere… together.”

“I know why you wouldn’t want to tell me right away, and I’m glad you feel like you can trust me now.” Patty’s hand trailed down to rest on his chest over his heart. It was still beating fast, and faster than his usual rhythm which was already above average. She really should have seen this one, shouldn’t she have? Some detective she was.

Patty refocused as she looked up into his eyes. “But I’m worried about the secrets you’re keeping.”

Barry tried for a smile. “I’m not — I mean there’s stuff about the Flash you might not know yet, but I can tell you that. I’m not gonna keep hiding—”

“I don’t just mean from me. Have you opened up to anyone about your PTSD?”

Barry reeled back, and she really did slip towards the floor a couple inches. “What do you mean?”

It was better they probably have this conversation upright anyway. Patty untangled herself from him and stood, pulling him up with both hands. She got him moving so that they could sit on the side of the bed, and she tucked one leg underneath her to face him fully.

“I mean you’re having awful nightmares, you’re losing sleep, you’re dissociating from the looks of it. Is this because of what happened with that other speedster a couple of months ago?”

Barry’s eyes took on a haunted look when she said it. “Zoom. He’s… I’m handling it.”

“But are you okay after what happened?”

“Yeah, I healed.”

Patty shook her head. “Maybe physically, but we both know that officers don’t jump right back into the thick of things once they get their medical clearance. There’s a process.”

He shifted on the mattress. “I’m not going to another shrink. Even if there was one that knew my identity.”

Patty sat back a little. She hadn’t known Barry had such an aversion to mental health specialists. “Did something happen?”

He wasn’t looking at her, but he blew out a breath and said, “Joe sent me to one when I was a kid, before anybody realized my dad was innocent.”

“Barry, I’m so sorry.” Patty took his hand. “I would never force you to talk to someone you don’t want to. But I need you to know that I’m here to talk to. Joe’s here, Iris is too. You have friends who care about you and wouldn’t want you to be hurting on your own.”

It was hard to know in the limited, dim light coming through the window, but she thought he was holding back from crying. “I thought I was okay,” he said in a thick voice, confirming her theory. “I have to be okay, otherwise Zoom will get to you, and I can’t—”

“Hey.” Patty squeezed his hand before it could start shaking too badly again. She scooted closer on the bed. “I am safe right now. You don’t have to be okay all the time.”

He buried his head in her shoulder and cried. Patty stroked his hair and rubbed his back, letting him let this out. He sagged against her, the tension that kept him so tightly-wound at times finally finding release.

“I just… I can’t lose you,” he said. “I love you, Patty.”

Patty froze, her hands stopping their soothing motions as his words hit her. “You love me?”

Barry looked up at her and nodded. “Yeah. I really do.”

She had hoped, without wanting to assume. They were intimate, after all, even if the words had not been exchanged. But looking at him now, this man she admired, who had saved her from metas and from her own demons, who she could see now was as vulnerable as he was strong, saddened as he was sweet, Patty knew without doubt that she felt exactly the same.

She couldn’t keep her eyes from tearing up as she whispered back, “I love you, too.”

For the first time tonight, a smile graced her boyfriend’s features. Barry leaned in, one hand cupping the back of her head, and their lips met in a slow, deep kiss. Patty’s eyes slipped shut as she wound her arms around Barry’s shoulders. Her leg hooked around Barry’s waist as she moved closer in, and that tingling feeling was back in her lips, her arms, everywhere. Barry was shaking again.

Patty broke off the kiss, lips parted in a half-formed question, but he shook his head and grinned.

“I’m okay. Just really happy that I don’t have to hide parts of me from you anymore.”

Warmth bloomed in her chest, and Patty played with some of the hairs at the nape of his neck. “Me too.” Then she picked right back up from where they had been, humming in the back of her throat as one of his hands snuck under her top. That slight vibration, now that she knew it meant he was happy, felt kind of good.

She didn’t think Barry’s troubles were over; far from it. But he was being open and honest about them with her, and that was all she’d really hoped for before he’d confessed just how deep his feelings ran for her. There was so much to talk about in the morning now that she knew the truth.

For the moment, though, she would help ease the worry and the pain his nightmares caused. And maybe, once Barry’s peace of mind was achieved even just for one night… they could both get some much needed sleep.

[creepy--pasta]

This is my own Creepypasta. It's called "Lacrymosa"

Her name was Lacrymosa Tea. Just as naming your child "Candy" predicts their future stripper career, her name almost guaranteed she'd be depressed. Lacrymosa is Latin for weeping/ sadness. Her father had run out on the family years ago and her mother was an alcoholic. Every night, she'd get drunk and beat her... that is unless her mother was on the phone with her sister all night. Lacrymosa cherished her aunt for that reason. They didn't live in the same state so the only way she could save her was to stay on the phone taking verbal abuse so that her niece wouldn't suffer physical abuse. She had no idea why she'd never reported it. Understandably, Lacrymosa was depressed. Her black hair hung limply around her face and her blue eyes once so bright had dimmed. She preferred to stay in the shadows. She preferred... to be away from people. By the time she was 13, she began cutting. It started when she was shaving her legs in the bathtub and the cheap razor broke. It cut a gash in her leg and at first, she swore under her breath cupping water in her hand to wash off the blood. However, as the blood oozed down, she felt satisfaction watching its path. The next day, Holly Hebert was teasing her again as usual in English class and she had a thought... the razor. This was a girl that sat behind her on the bus and cut her hair so it hung unevenly, put gum on her seat in class then pointed out the giant spot on her butt to everyone so they'd all laugh at her, threatened to beat her up daily, and often "accidentally" hit her with baseballs or volleyballs in gym class. She hated Holly. She didn't know who she hated more though...Holly or her mom. After school, she rushed home to dig the broken razor out of the trash and brought it to her room. She didn't hesitate. She placed the razor against her thigh and ran it in a long line. It bled just a little but it was enough. The sensation was hard to describe. It was like she was a balloon about to pop and the razor had let out some air. Just enough for her to function again. From then on, whenever she felt stress, anger, or any kind of unpleasantness, she would cut. Four years later, she was 17 and the cutting had all but stopped. Her thighs had visible scars from the years of cutting but so now did her upper arms and stomach. The scars were a reminder of the horrible things she'd done to herself. Sure she thought about doing it again, but she'd learned new ways to deal with her feelings. The one thing that helped most was the presence and attention of her little pug Evan. Her mother had gotten him for her and it was completely out of character, but Lacrymosa didn't question it at all. The dog meant the world to her. Shortly after she'd gotten Evan, her aunt had visited and seen the cuts on her body. She didn't deny it when her aunt had asked if her mother had done it. She couldn't admit she'd done it herself. In the end, her mother had gone to jail... and she'd been placed in her grandparents home. She felt bad she'd blamed her mother for the cuts but she'd done far worse to her for years. Bruises and broken bones her mother had gotten away with but now she was paying for her crime... even if it was technically the wrong crime. But that was years ago and she was able to sleep without fear now. One night she went to bed more exhausted than she'd ever been. So tired in fact that when a noise awoke her from a deep sleep, her eyes only fluttered open and barely registered a shadowy figure before falling deep asleep again. The next morning, Lacrymosa woke up to the sight of blood. There were cuts on her legs, stomach, arms, and wrists... just like the cuts she'd made herself for years. But she hadn't done these! She'd never even cut her wrists before. Why hadn't she felt any of it happening? Why hadn't Evan barked? She rushed to the bathroom to tend to her wounds then dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt to cover each bandage. She dashed out the front door ignoring her grandfather's greeting and rushed to school. She thought hard about the cuts. Had she done them herself? That's when she remembered the figure she'd vaguely seen the night before. Was it her mother? It had to be right? The next morning, she woke up and again... there was blood. Her cuts were deeper and the were more of them. She was scared now. She had to do something. Seeing the cuts was stirring something inside of her. She had the urge to cut again but no! She couldn't! She held Evan close and pushed the thoughts away. If it was her mom, she had to catch her. That night, she set up the camera on her computer to record while she slept and went to bed. The next morning, she awoke to the same cuts as usual. They were really getting deep now. Rushing to her computer, she stopped the recording and began fast forwarding through the footage. She watched herself sleeping covered only in sheets and moving slightly. She skipped through hours seeing nothing until she suddenly noticed something. Blood was seeping through the sheets. It was just a small spot at first but it grew quickly. Lacrymosa paused the playback. This wasn't possible. She'd watched closely and seen no one. She rewound the footage and watched again. There was no one there and yet there were cuts being made and blood pouring from them. The next night, she drank a ton of coffee mixed with caffeine pills. She was scared to sleep. It was like she was living a Freddy Kruger movie without the scary man and glove with knives for fingers. Trying her best to stay awake, she googled her problem. None of the results came close and she was about to move on and watch some videos on YouTube when a message popped up on her Facebook messenger. It was from a user with just the letter "D" for a name. She opened the message. It read: "We need to talk". Lacrymosa sat still a moment before responding. She had all but a dozen "friends" on Facebook (mostly family) and this was not one of them. "Do I know you? " she typed. "No, but we need to talk. It's about the cuts. Can you meet me? We can go somewhere public " She thought a moment. The cuts? How could anyone possibly know about that? Intrigued, she responded "How will I know who to look for?" "Meet me at the 24 hour McDonald's in town. I'll find you" Lacrymosa opened the window of her second story bedroom, pat Evan goodbye, and stepped out onto the porch roof. She then jumped onto the front lawn with a thud and got in her little beater car (a silver Neon her grandfather had gotten her for her 16th birthday) . When she got there, she looked around. She didn't know who she was looking for so she went to the counter to order coffee. As she stood there waiting for an employee to take her order, she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Hey" said a man. Lacrymosa turned around. Before her stood a very tall pale boy about her age. His long shoulder length hair was black and his eyes were a beautiful grey. If he didn't look so tired and worn out, he might actually have been attractive. "Are you..." she tried to ask suddenly remembering she didn't know his name. "Draco... yes" he replied. "Draco? Your name is Draco? Like Draco Malfoy?" Lacrymosa said realizing she was probably saying the wrong thing. He rolled his eyes. "Yes... my parents are really big Harry Potter fans " he said almost sarcastically. "Your name isn't any better. Lacrymosa... like the song Roman Catholics play at funerals" "You're right. Fair enough. Why haven't I seen you in school? " she asked. Before he could respond, a McDonald's employee interrupted. "Can I help you? " she asked. They turned to see a smiling woman behind the counter waiting patiently. Draco ordered and paid for 2 large coffees and started walking to a booth in the back. They sat down in silence for a few moments before Draco responded to Lacrymosa's question as though there had been no interruption. "I'm homeschooled." He said simply. "So..." she said "how did you know? " Draco looked up from his cup. Then he rolled up his sleeves to reveal his arms full of bandages with blood seeping through. "You and I... are in trouble" he said. She tried to respond but he held up his hand. "Let me explain something first. Then we'll discuss it". Lacrymosa nodded quickly "I had a dream last night. In it, my sister who passed a year ago... told me to find you. I thought at first that she was talking about some drink... sorry. She said we could figure this thing out together." He paused. "Have you tried to record it?" Lacrymosa nodded. "Me too. It doesn't show up on camera. Ive never seen it..." he leaned in closer "but I think I know why it's happening. Before it started, were you a cutter?" He asked. She nodded, "but I'd stopped! It's been a year! " he smiled. "I think I'm right then. I was a cutter too. There has to be a connection". They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So how do we figure this out? How do we stop it? " Lacrymosa asked. Draco shook his head. "I don't know but we've got to try. Let's keep in touch. Call me if you figure anything out and i'll do the same" he said. They talked for a long time that night about their problem as well as other topics before going their separate ways. Lacrymosa found out he'd been homeschooled because of horrible bullying. They had that in common but he lived with two very supportive parents so they didn't have that. They seemed to instantly bond united by a common problem and goal. It felt nice to finally have a friend. They spent every free moment together for the next month. They barely slept and it got to the point that Draco would sneak into Lacrymosa's room at night and they'd sleep in shifts with one of them awake at all times keeping watch. They were becoming very close now. One night Draco didn't come over. He'd fallen asleep on accident and around 2 am, Lacrymosa was woken up by her phone ringing. It was him and he sounded terrified. "Can I come over? " he'd asked. She agreed of course and within 20 minutes, Draco was on her porch roof tapping at her window. Lacrymosa let him in and he rushed into her arms. "I spoke to it" he whispered. She pulled away quickly to look at his face. He was serious. "What?!" She asked. He nodded closing his eyes. Lacrymosa guided him to her bed and they laid beside each other. She held him in her arms as he explained. "I caught it in the act" he said. "I woke up when I felt a presence beside my bed so I opened my eyes and...I heard a laugh" Lacrymosa held her breath as he spoke. She wanted him to explain and feared he'd stop if she made a noise. "I'll spare you the details but it said that hurting yourself is an unspoken contract with it. Whatever this is... it doesn't like that we stopped cutting ourselves. It's trying to renew that urge inside of us to make us start up again and the only way to make it stop is to continue cutting...or cut someone else" He stopped and looked into Lacrymosa's face. "Each life we take..." he whispered "will give us 2 weeks". They lay there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. "I can't cut myself again. I can't. I'm already too cut up" she finally said. "Me too" "But I can't kill someone else! " "Me either" "So..." "So... what now?" Silence again. "Who would you off anyways? You know... if we did it" he asked. Lacrymosa thought a moment." Oh she knew who. She knew 2 people actually. Draco was homeschooled but he had a few names as well. "I know who" she said. "But let's think on it. Sleep here from now on. That should keep us safe for now". They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before their lips touched. That's when they realized... they were more than friends. They'd come to love each other very much. It had happened quickly but neither of them had ever had someone they cared about as much as they cared for each other. Together they could get through anything. "I love you Lacrymosa Tea" he whispered. "I love you too Draco Riley". Every night for the next six months, Draco snuck into Lacrymosa's room not to keep watch but to sleep beside her... and all was well. No blood. No cuts. They thought they'd found a loophole. For those six months, they were the happiest they'd ever been. This had to be why they were being left alone by the entity that cut them. Love was stronger than whatever it was. They did everything together now. They'd even met each others families and Lacrymosa felt that one day they may be joined. She shared this thought with Draco and he'd laughed, hugged her, and said "wait for me will you? That's my job to ask you". They both graduated High School and celebrated their 18th birthdays (which were only weeks apart). They made plans for the future and even began to forget about their ordeal. They shouldn't have forgotten. One morning at the end of the six months, Lacrymosa woke up beside Draco as usual. Her eyes still closed, she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled up closer to him. But something was wrong. He was cold. She opened her eyes and immediately saw blood. All over the walls. All over the ceiling. She sat up and looked down at herself. She was full of blood but it wasn't all hers. She turned to Draco. She would have thought he was just sleeping except that he was an ugly shade of blue and he was covered in blood. His shirt was ripped open and carved into his stomach was "no loopholes" The next few days were a blur. Her grandparents were confused as to why he'd been in her bed, the police interrogated her about how he'd died beside her and she hadn't noticed, but they didn't ask about the message carved into his body... it was as though they couldn't see it. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say... she became catatonic. She was checked out and after seeing her cuts, she was stitched up and taken to a mental hospital. She missed Draco's funeral of course but that hardly mattered now. The thing... whatever it was... had taken Draco from her. For days she was in that hospital. Waking up with fresh cuts that were immediately stitched up. The staff were clueless as to how she was getting them and by the end of the week, she was covered in ugly black stitches... she now resembled Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. Even in her face. Draco's parents visited her. Pleading for information... asking if she'd done it. She didn't speak. All she could do was cry and shake her head. They eventually left empty handed. Lacrymosa hadn't spoken a word since the morning she lost Draco. One day she was sitting in her room staring at the wall when she noticed a brick that was loose. She pulled it out and found that someone had hidden a knife inside. Suddenly she heard footsteps and quickly hid the knife under her mattress. She had a visitor... her mother. She strode into the room and sat down in a chair. "I got out" she said. Something in Lacrymosa snapped. Draco was put in the back of her mind for a minute and all she could think of was the things her mother had done. Everything Holly had done. All the reasons she started cutting in the first place. "They said you wouldn't speak...I hoped you'd talk to me at least. " she sighed. "You look awful". Lacrymosa stayed silent as her mother continued to talk. She yelled at her for not talking, blamed her for "that boys" death, and of course for putting her in jail. Lacrymosa couldn't stand the look on her mother's face. She was getting angrier and angrier the longer they sat there. She stood up and so did her mother. She probably thought her daughter was going to hug her or something but as she took a step closer, Lacrymosa swiftly made a move for the knife and slit her mother's throat. Dropping to her knees, her eyes pleaded for help. But her daughter just stabbed each eye... and walked away. Lacrymosa walked through the hospital slashing the throats of patients and staff alike. She swore she heard the chords of a Lacrymosa playing and began to hum along. How she walked all the way home in a now bloody hospital gown is a mystery. No one was home when she got there and she went straight up to her room... to where she'd last seen Draco and began to cry. For the first time in weeks, she spoke. Just one word. "Draco". Two weeks after the Greenleaf City post reported on the New Hope Hospital Massacre, it reported on the death of a recent High School graduate named Holly Hebert. Her throat had been slashed just as the victims at the hospital had but the word "bully" was carved into her arm. She wouldn't be the last.

[captainjetrocketboy]

I’m Tryna Understand These Days ~ 3

Also on Ao3.

Chapter 3: Am I One of Those People You Remember?

Seems the universe loves to mess around with Callum.

He wanted to see if he could catch Ben by himself and get an explanation for earlier. He had watched him sprint towards The Prince Albert, and with some deliberation with his inner self, he started to follow suit. 

But he didn’t make it very far before bumping into Jay. The fellow seemed a bit stressed, as his brows were furrowed and his hands were jittery. Callum curiously asked what got him so worked up, but Jay hastily apologized and asked if he could cover his shift for a few hours.

Being the nice person that he was, Callum agreed with only some hesitance. He was still concerned about Ben, but if he really was just playing some sort of game with Callum, then maybe it would be best to give the man some space. At least this way, he could have some time to mull over what the fuck happened not moments ago. 

Jay graciously thanked him, and said that he would explain later. As he strode away, the worry in the back of Callum’s head reared its ugly face. What if it had something to do with Ben? Judging by how fast Jay had come and gone, it was obviously important, whatever it was.

Callum shook his head, and made his way back to the funeral parlour. Getting worked up about it would do him no good. He knew that Callum and Ben were mates at the least, so surely if it were about him, Jay would have at least mentioned it was about Ben. Jay’s business might not even have to do with him. They may be brothers but their lives aren’t totally linked together.

In the same vein, Ben’s life didn’t revolve around Callum’s, no matter how much he wants it to. He had regrettably chosen to push the other man away, and he shouldn’t be sticking his big ears into whatever is going on.

But as he got dressed back into his suit, his mind would not stop wandering back to Ben. He couldn’t get him out of his thoughts even with Whitney, so he sure as hell wasn’t going to now. Especially with how strange their encounter was this morning.

The day was slow, with not a single soul entering into the building. So with nothing to do, Callum let himself think.

Had he mistaken the identity of the bloke? In the short time that Callum had known Ben, he had memorized every little, minute feature of his face. Not that he’d tell anyone. The way his styled chestnut hair waved about in the wind. Those ocean blue eyes that Callum wanted to get lost in. His ever-present stubble that dotted along his sharp jaw. It was all there and accounted for, so the person was definitely Ben.

So then why hadn’t he recognized Callum? He didn’t even acknowledge his floundered greeting, or his presence at that matter. It wasn’t until Ben just happened to look in his direction did he finally notice him. And the way that he spoke, it was like he was talking to a stranger, and not the man that he confessed his love to.

God, that there was probably the worst part of it all, Callum thought. Ben had stared straight into his eyes, and there was just… nothing. No want. No desire. No love.

Whenever they would argue before, behind the fire that was alight in those piercing eyes, Callum had always seen that compassion. Not even the act of fighting was enough to quell the feelings he had for him. 

This time, though? There wasn’t any feeling or passion that Callum saw as Ben looked at him. All of it somehow vanished, and made way for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

That’s what hurt Callum the most. And maybe that’s what Ben wanted. He knew he was unnecessarily harsh to the other man that night, and he’s never regretted something more in his life. He had expected for Ben to hurt him back, to make him suffer the way he most likely had. And he would take it. Whatever nasty words Ben would snap at him, or whatever punches he would throw. Callum would accept it, because in the end it would be worth it. Eventually getting the chance to be with Ben would be worth it. Just Ben himself was worth all that pain.

But he hadn’t expected this. For Ben to completely forget about him. For him to be another passing face in the crowd. 

This can’t be some trick. Ben wouldn’t do this to him. Callum knows Ben. He sees him, the real him. And the real Ben would never be this cruel to anyone.

With a surge of determination, Callum shot up from his chair and grabbed the nearest blank paper and pen. He wrote a simple message that the parlour’s employees were on break, and he taped it to the front door as he practically ran out. 

Something’s happened with Ben, and Callum’s going to find out what. Even if it means pushing for an answer out of Ben himself.

- - -

The afternoon sun was at its peak in the sky as Callum knocked on the door to the Beale house. He did the best he could with two cups of coffee in his hands. There was still worry gnawing at the back of his head, but hopefully Ben would be back by now. He’s not sure if he could handle any other member of his family, or explain why he was showing up at their doorstep so out of the blue.

But since the world is never so nice to Callum, the person who answers is not who he was expecting. He was greeted by Kathy Beale. Well, it could have been much worse, he thought.

“Hiya. Can I help you?”

“Um, good afternoon, Ms. Beale. I’m Callum Highway.” If his hands weren’t holding the coffees, he would have put his arm out for a handshake.

Kathy gave a small nod. “Well, pleasure to meet ya Callum. What brings you ‘round here?”

Callum’s fingers started to fidget with the cups’ cardboard sleeves. He’s not sure why he was getting nervous, but he didn’t let that stop his resolve. “Is, uh, Ben about? I got him some coffee. Thought we could… chat.”

“Oh, are you a friend of his?” Kathy questioned as she raised an eyebrow.

A friend. The word didn’t sit right with Callum, but what other way could he describe his relationship to Ben? He couldn’t exactly say they were boyfriends, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Then I’m sorry to say, but he hasn’t come back yet. Said he was goin’ out to meet some lad.” Kathy stepped back and motioned for Callum to come in. “But you’re welcome to wait inside for him. Don’t know how long he’ll be out for, though. You know how he can get sometimes.”

Callum’s mouth started to form into a smile, and he nodded to the woman as he stepped into the house. 

He’s not entirely sure when he was here last. Ben had usually gone to Callum’s whenever Whitney was out. They were less likely to be found out there. But as he looked around the living room, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of comfort.

He set the cups down on the dining table, pulling back a chair and sitting down himself. Kathy had done the same right across from him.

“Think I could have one of these?” Kathy kindly asked. “Ben might not be here awhile, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead,” Callum responded, hoping his anxiety wasn’t channeled through his voice.

Kathy gave him a smile as she took one of the coffees. She had a sip before speaking up again. “So what was it you wanted to chat to Ben about?”

Callum stiffened, his back straightening a bit. “Oh, uh, nothing in particular. Just wanted to catch up, is all. Haven’t seen him in a while, and I wanted to know if he was alright.”

Kathy let out a sigh, and set down the cup. “He’s been okay lately, considering the things he’s been through.”

Callum’s ears perked up at that. “What sort of things?”

“I’m guessing you haven’t heard? Ben got into an accident just a few weeks back. I think it was on the news, too.”

Callum could feel his heart drop right down into his stomach. He had been so busy dealing with the whole wedding fallout that he never got the chance to catch up on the local news. Maybe if he wasn’t, he could have helped Ben sooner.

“Accident? W-What kind of accident?” Callum’s voice started to waver a bit. He cleared his throat as he set his own cup back on the table.

“Car. He had driven off the road, before crossing the bridge, and fell near the River Thames.” Kathy seemed to quiver at remembering the thought. Callum felt guilty for bringing up bad memories, but he had to know more. “Thankfully, his car didn’t go too deep into the water. The first responders were able to get him out, but he had gotten badly hurt.”

Callum started to shake along with the woman in front of him. He hadn’t realized how serious the situation actually was, and he felt horrible for not being there for Ben and giving his support.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Beale. If I had known, I wouldn’t have made you relive that.” Callum carefully reached a hand out to rest on top of hers.

Kathy sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “No, it’s… it’s okay. I was scared, but I’m just glad my baby got out of it alive.”

“He’s a fighter, that Ben.” Callum gave a tiny grin. It was just another aspect of that man that made Callum love him even more.

“He sure is…” Kathy went back to drinking the coffee. Callum felt it was safe to drink his as well. “But, there is something that keeps bothering me.”

“What’s that? If ya don’t mind me askin’.”

“Well, it’s just that… the investigators said there weren’t anythin’ wrong with the car. It might have been old, sure, but it was working fine.”

Callum’s not sure where she was going with this, but he’s willing to hear her out if its got something to do with Ben’s current state.

“And… they said they couldn’t find any skid marks along the road… They’re sayin’ that Ben didn’t swerve into the river, and that he didn’t try to correct himself...”

Callum didn’t think it was possible for his heart to sink further into the chasm it fell into. What Kathy was suggesting… couldn’t be true. There was no way that Ben would ever do such a thing. Right?

“Y-You’re not sayin’ that he…”

“I honestly don’t know. There wasn’t a whole lot of evidence to prove it, but there weren’t anythin’ to suggest otherwise, either.”

“When... did this accident happen?” Callum wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Something in his gut was telling him it wasn’t going to be good for him.

“About two weeks ago. Around the end of August, I think.”

And there was the bombshell that erupted Callum’s entire being. His coffee was long forgotten as his grip tightened on the cup. If this accident happened near the end of August, then that would put it at around the same time as—

“Y’know, come to think of it, Ben’s mentioned ya a couple times. I don’t know if you two were close, but would you have any idea on why he’d even try summat like that?”

Callum couldn’t answer. Any words he had were trapped in his throat. How could he tell Kathy, Ben’s own mother, that he could have been the reason that Ben tried to… tried to end it all? The guilt was eating away at him, and it was unbearable. It was Callum’s fault. It was always his fault. If he hadn’t been so fiendish, if he hadn’t rejected Ben’s love, then maybe he wouldn’t have gone over the edge. 

It hadn’t hit Callum until then, that Ben could have died. He would’ve gone from this world, and Callum wouldn’t have even known. He’d be too busy struggling to tell Whitney that he didn’t want to get married to her, all the while completely unaware of Ben’s tormented state. Why didn’t he do something about it sooner?

The loud sound of the front door slamming open shocked Callum before he could spiral further. He looked behind him and saw that Ben had sauntered his way in.

“You alright, love?” Kathy called out after she took a deep breath. Callum was going to need more than a couple deep breaths to calm down.

“I can’t believe this! He stood me up! Made me wait like an hour or two at The Prince Robert.” Ben huffed, crossing his arms.

“Albert.” Kathy corrected.

Ben started to make his way towards the stairs. “Right, sorry. Ugh, I was lookin’ forward to some mindless fun today.”

Out of the corner of Callum’s eye, he saw Kathy roll her eyes. “Ben, you really think that’s a good idea after just comin’ back from hospital? I mean, you haven’t fully recovered your—”

“I’m fine now, mum, alright?” Ben turned to face Kathy, and that must’ve been when he noticed that there was another person in the room. “Hey, you’re that bloke I saw earlier. You lookin’ for some action?”

“Ben! Is that how you treat all your mates?” Kathy berated.

“Mate? Is that what you are?” Ben shifted his eyes from his mother to Callum. 

Callum squirmed uncomfortably in the wooden chair. “Um, yeah. We’re… mates.”

Ben chuckled as a confused expression lined his face. “Didn’t think I’d make new friends since comin’ back. Oh well.”

Ben was about to go up to his room, but was stopped by Callum’s words.

“Do you, uh, want to get lunch, or summat? I mean, now that you have the day free?”

Ben’s face scrunched up as he pursed his lips. “Nah, I’m a bit knackered. My head’s killin’ me. But maybe tomorrow? You can tell me all about how terrible a friend I was.”

“Actually… you weren’t. Not to me, at least.”

Ben scoffed. “Yeah, alright.”

As Ben proceeded up the stairs, Callum was left hurt once again, but he was determined to find out the truth now more than ever. He might not remember him now, but hopefully, he’ll change that soon. He knows it’s not going to be easy, but when has that ever gotten in the way between Ben and Callum?

[loveistrueblue]

A Past of Pride

Summary: “You hit me,” Beckett whispered.

Pride ignored him. “Get out. If you like those light sides so much, go find them. See how much they really care about you.” Pride crouched down. “Because when push comes to shove, they don’t give a shit. About you, about me, or any of us. You’re alone, Beckett.”

Pride stood back to his full height, looming once more. “You’re gonna wish you’d listened to me after all.”

Warnings: Mild violence, mentions of past trauma, mild philosophical discussion concerning goodness and badness. 

Pairings: None explicitly shown.

Word Count: 3,020

Fic Type: Commissioned 3k fic for @eat-moar-veggis.

Notes: I was commissioned to write a 3k fic in response to the prompt, “flint has a talk with beckett and finds out he has history with the dark side named pride, and an emotional conversation results.” None of the characters in this fic belong to me, but are all Riley’s OCs. You can find more about them on their sideblog, @ask-villegas-sides.

I had such a great time with this prompt and writing this! Thank you to Riley for commissioning me to use your awesome characters. ❤

Beckett’s hands were shaking in the darkness of the mindscape and he tried to still them in his lap, carefully avoiding eye contact with the side looming over him. It’d been a while since he’d spoken to Pride. If Pride asked, it was because Beckett was busy. He had a lot of duties to do all in the name of keeping Riley safe, of course.

However, if he was being a little more honest with himself, it was because he was frightened, in some small way, of Pride. The way he held himself like Beckett was nothing but scum at the bottom of his shoe. The way he’d yell and scream when things weren’t going as he wanted them to. The way he just… loomed over Beckett and made Beckett feel two feet tall.

“Have you done as I asked?” Pride said, his voice just as strong and unwavering as ever. His hair was pushed back, revealing piercing eyes that felt as if they were scanning Beckett’s soul- finding every little dirty secret tucked away in the corners of his mind.

“Yes,” Beckett said. The lie felt acidic and sour on his tongue. His hands still shook, and he pressed them harder against his knees.

Pride raised an eyebrow, leaning back a fraction. “All right,” he said. “Any success?”

“Look, Riley doesn’t want to hurt their friends. If they do this, they’re going to hurt their friends.”

Pride scowled. “Riley deserves to be recognized. Riley deserves to win.”

“But…” Beckett swallowed. “Riley doesn’t want to be recognized or win if they’re hurting their friends in the meantime.”

“You’ve been spending too much time around Lev,” Pride snarled.

“No!” Beckett rushed to say. The chair under him felt like it was vibrating. “I’m just telling you how Riley feels. Not how I feel!”

“Do you want Riley to succeed or not?”

“I do! You know I do, but this course of action… look at me.” Beckett was trembling so hard that it felt like his teeth were rattling. Something felt horribly wrong, horribly off about the whole situation. Pride looked more agitated than ever. “It’s gonna hurt Riley in the long run.”

“No, you’re just a coward,” Pride said and took a step back. “Riley’s going to hurt their friends occasionally. It’s inevitable.”

“You’re going to have a hard time getting them to purposely do it though.”

Pride turned to Beckett; his face was so full of rage that Beckett flinched back. “We are not physically harming their friends, Beckett.”

“But emotional harm-”

“Shut up!” Beckett obeyed, teeth snapping together. “You were supposed to make Riley anxious. Make them anxious about losing. Make them anxious about their reputation being ruined by their friends winning and not them. Not the other way around.”

“I tried,” Beckett said. “I really did, but Riley just- they’re not the kind of person to just screw their friends over.”

“How do you know that?” Pride asked, voice dangerously calm. “If everyone would let me influence them a little more, maybe Riley would feel differently.”

“It’s not my fault they don’t listen to you that often.”

“I’m starting to think you’re lying,” Pride said smoothly.

“I’m not,” Beckett said, heart freezing in his chest. “I’m not lying.”

“I’m starting to think maybe you don’t want me to be listened to either.”

“Pride-”

“Shut up. You’ve had every opportunity this week to influence Riley in my favour. But you haven’t. You’ve put it off and off. I’m starting to think maybe you don’t want me to win after all.”

“I do, I just-” Before Beckett could get another word in, a loud smack echoed in the darkness. Beckett’s cheek stung and he tasted blood from his teeth hitting the inside of his mouth. He cupped his cheek with a trembling hand and watched Pride wring his wrist out, gaze unwavering and cold.

“You hit me,” Beckett whispered.

Pride ignored him. “Get out. If you like those light sides so much, go find them. See how much they really care about you.” Pride crouched down. “Because when push comes to shove, they don’t give a shit. About you, about me, or any of us. You’re alone, Beckett.”

Pride stood back to his full height, looming once more. “You’re gonna wish you’d listened to me after all.”

Beckett shot up with a gasp and tossed aside the covers on his bed. The air around him whipped then stilled as he took deep breaths in and out, reminding himself where he was. The night was still young, and his room was bathed in almost total darkness. Usually, he really wouldn’t quite mind the darkness. Matter of fact, he could enjoy it. But the remnants of his dream seemed to cling tightly to his skin like a leech and with a deep sigh, he flicked on his bedside lamp.

The room filled with a dim light and Beckett ran a hand over his face, then over his arms. He took a few more deep breaths, standing up and beginning to pace.

“Pride can’t get to you here,” he whispered. His hands were shaking again as if his body refused to believe the words coming out of his own mouth. “Pride can’t get to you here.”

The floorboards outside of his room creaked and Beckett found himself flinching back violently, knocking over a photo frame on his wall.

“Idiot,” he hissed to himself. “You’re acting like a child.” He took a deep breath and carefully placed the photo frame back on his wall, quietly filled with gratitude that it hadn’t broken as it had been a gift from Reese and meant a lot to him.

Beckett glanced over his dimly lit room once more before determining that his room was out to get him and was the cause of his anxiety, therefore, it only made sense to leave it immediately. (Flint would be proud of him, using logic and reasoning like this- or he’d just be super disappointed that Beckett was looking at everything so black and white again, but whatever.)

Carefully, with all the caution in the world, Beckett opened his door and slid out into the hallway. He pulled his nightshirt tighter around his body. The air felt thin and cold and served only to make him feel excessively vulnerable.

Feeling half in a trance, Beckett stumbled into the kitchen, flicking on the light, eyeing the darker corners of the room warily. Pride usually wouldn’t be so… foolish as to pop up randomly where any of the other sides could catch him. Still yet, Beckett checked each possible hiding spot, then checked them again. Satisfied with the lack of Pride or any other possible threats, Beckett turned around to head to the fridge.

He let out a small shriek, immediately slapping a hand over his mouth as soon as he saw who it was. Flint stood in front of him, left eyebrow raised in calm perplexion. Beckett laid a hand against his rapidly thrumming heart as if he could physically slow it down, and steadied himself carefully before meeting Flint’s eyes.

“What are you doing up?” he growled, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides in a nervous rhythm. Flint looked him up and down, then crossed his arms, lips twitching into a gentle smirk.

“I needed some water,” he said, tone matter of fact. “Which, as you are well aware, is not unusual for me. While your state of being awake is not particularly unusual, your presence in the kitchen at this hour is. And so is your… scrambling about, as if you’re looking for something.” Flint’s eyes softened. “What are you doing?”

Beckett swallowed and tried to force his muscles to relax, despite the tension carried in his back still. He ran a hand over his face, hoping that maybe Flint would take pity on him and let him get away without having to answer the question.

No such luck. Flint stepped forward, dropping his arms in a placating gesture. He smiled dryly, his eyes shining with a familiar look. The one he got whenever he was piecing together an especially difficult puzzle or when he was trying to assist Riley in solving a problem that was more distressing than others. It was almost clinical, in a way- at the same time, however, Beckett knew it came from a place of genuine concern and care.

“You are sweaty,” Flint began. “Your hands are trembling and when I came down here, you were looking quite upset, like you were looking for a threat. This all leads me to believe you have suffered a nightmare of some sort and are still feeling negatively from it. Am I correct?”

Beckett’s heart felt weirdly jittery in his chest- like he’d been busted in the middle of doing something wrong. But Flint wasn’t looking at him like he’d done something wrong. His gaze was neutral, not accusatory in the slightest, but still firm and expectant.

“You’re correct,” Beckett mumbled.

Flint’s lip twitched upward once again, a bit of smugness washing over his face. “Of course I am. I heard you in your room earlier when I was going to the bathroom. You sounded very upset.”

“The floorboards,” Beckett whispered, feeling his body relax the slightest bit.

“Ah, yes. I wasn’t as quiet as I had hoped to be.” Flint walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“I’m fine,” Beckett mumbled.

“Water?” Flint persisted.

Beckett sighed. “Fine. Water’s fine.”

Beckett watched Flint as he grabbed a pitcher of water and set it out on the counter. He grabbed two glasses, filled them with water, then walked over and handed one to Beckett, taking a long drink from his own. Flint glanced at Beckett, then slowly sat down on the floor. Beckett eyed him curiously and Flint gestured to the spot in front of him.

Beckett settled down on the ground, careful not to spill his glass of water. He situated himself then looked to Flint who was eyeing him expectantly.

“I have found,” Flint began, “that it often proves to be beneficial for one to discuss things which are troubling them.”

“Nothing’s troubling me.”

“Beckett .”

“Flint.”

Flint sighed, long and frustrated. “Perhaps it would feel relieving to discuss the contents of your troubling dream.”

“Or maybe it’ll just bring up a bunch of unpleasant memories.”

“Sometimes, to deal with things, you must deal with a few unpleasant memories.”

Beckett ’s shoulders slumped. “It uhm… it was about Pride.”

“Ah. Him.” Flint took a drink of his water. “What did this dream concerning him entail?”

“It was about uhm… the night I came to stay with you guys.”

“You mean Reese, Lev, and I?”

“Yeah.” Beckett fiddled with his water glass. “Pride had told me to do something. And I dunno what it was- I’d done all sorts of crappy things for him before. But I’d been hanging out with you and Lev and Reese more and it felt wrong to do what he told me to do. So I didn’t do it and he lashed out. He hit me and kicked me out.”

Flint nodded solemnly. “I remember that night well.”

“It was a horrible night,” Beckett said. “Traumatic.”

“I would assume so.”

“And it just seems too good to be true that he’s left me to my own devices. That he doesn’t come up at any moment and punish me. And sometimes I feel guilty that we hid him from Riley for so long- for trying to suppress his influence. Like, maybe, if we didn’t do that, he wouldn’t be so… bitter.”

“You know, just as well as I do, Beckett, that when Pride gains too heavy of an influence on Riley, serious consequences can result.”

“But Riley can’t just block out a big piece of themselves like that. Pride isn’t always bad.”

“Correct,” Flint said. “There are moments when a healthy amount of pride is a good thing. Pride for a job well done, pride for others, pride for yourself. It is all important, yes. But there is such thing as too much pride and what Pride has been suggesting from day one is an excess of pride. He suggests Riley gain a position where they are above others, figuratively squashing them in the process of getting up there.”

Beckett fiddled with his thumb, sighing quietly. “I can be too much sometimes too though.”

Flint nodded. “Reese can be too much as well. So can Lev. Even… I can be that way sometimes. We are flawed. However, we choose to try to do good more often than not. That counts for something. Pride does not desire to do good. He doesn’t try.”

“Sometimes I don’t wanna try either.”

“Yet you try despite that. And when you don’t, you recognize the wrong you have done and apologise. You-”

“I didn’t use to!” Beckett snapped. “Look, it’s easy for you to tell me all this when you weren’t there with him. I slept in the room beside him; we stayed up at night and talked to each other. He called me his best friend on a good day. I did things for him, things that I knew would hurt Riley in the long run, but I did them anyway because Pride told me to, and I thought he was right.”

“But was he?”

Beckett startled. “Was he what?”

“Was he right?”

“Of course not! I certainly found that out the hard way.”

“You were wrong back then. You were… deceived and tricked into believing Pride’s propaganda. And yet now, here you are. You recognize the mistakes of your past and attempt to not repeat them. Your history with Pride… it does not define you.”

“But what if it does?” Beckett felt tears burning like acid in his eyes. He roughly dragged his shirt sleeve over his damp eyes and took a deep breath. “Your actions define you. You don’t just do something bad if you don’t somehow really want to.”

Flint folded his fingers together and leaned over so that Beckett couldn’t avoid meeting his eyes. “We all have done bad things. Not all bad things define who we are.” A tear slid down Beckett’s face and Flint’s eyes looked gentler than they ever had before. “Think of it logically here, Beckett. A toddler tells a lie to their mother with a selfish motive in mind. The toddler later comes to recognize that this lie was wrong and apologizes. Would you consider that toddler a liar? Incapable of redemption?”

“No, but… I’m not a toddler, Flint. I know the difference between right and wrong-”

“And yet you still ignore that there are areas of grey to be brought into consideration. Not everything is a difference between right and wrong- black and white.”

Beckett clenched his fist. “But what I did to Riley was wrong.”

Flint huffed out a breath, looking exasperated. “Yes. However, that one wrong action does not make you, as a whole, wrong.”

Beckett fell silent, lips pressed together. He was shaking again. “I don’t want you to be right,” he whispered.

Flint raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

“It’s easy to blame myself. Comfortable to put me in the sole position of a villain. Trying to rationalize and understand that I can be redeemed, and my past actions don’t define me? That’s… a lot.”

“I know,” Flint said.

“I don’t want Pride to hurt Riley again. I don’t want him to have an influence on them. I wish… I’d never met him.”

Flint sighed. “I cannot guarantee to you that Pride will never hurt Riley again or that his influence will never again be too much. But I assure you that we all will keep him in check. He won’t be able to hurt Riley without getting through us first.”

“I’m still… scared of him sometimes. I know he’s angry with me. I feel like I can’t relax ever since he revealed himself to Riley. Like he’s going to pop out at any moment and shut me up.”

“We won’t allow that to happen.”

“You can’t be with me every single moment of every single day to make sure it doesn’t. You can’t be sure it won’t happen.”

Flint frowned. “Beckett. Even if it did happen, we would come to assist you and help you. You are a valuable member of our group- a valuable part of Riley. We would notice if Pride tried to pull something.”

Beckett swallowed, feeling more relaxed than he had all night. “You… would?”

“Of course. I understand that it is difficult for you to understand, but you are not alone anymore. You don’t have to keep these things to yourself.”

“I just feel like I don’t want to burden any of you with my past.”

“We are your friends,” Flint said, his voice calm and sure. “There is nothing wrong with seeking one of us out when something is troubling you. Reese, Lev, me, or even Riley. We’re here to listen. To assist where we can and support you where we can.”

Beckett felt a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you, Flint. I know I get so caught up in the past sometimes… it’s. Hard to think reasonably when that happens. Thanks for always being there to help me out when it happens.”

Flint gave a tiny smile in return, one so quick that Beckett would have missed it if he hadn’t been looking. He stood up, set aside their glasses, and extended a hand down. Beckett took it, pulling himself up with Flint’s help.

“I would suggest you attempt to get some sleep. It isn’t unreasonably late. You still have a few hours.”

Beckett nodded. “Thanks. I… I really appreciate it. I do.”

“I know. Good night, Beckett.”

“Good night, Flint,” Beckett said quietly. He began making his way down the hall, heart finally not feeling as if it were about to jump out of his chest at any moment. He took a deep breath and opened his door, the darkness of his room greeting him once again.

For once, it didn’t intimidate him.

[burlybanner]

Syzygy - An AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Chapter 9: Who do you say that I am?

Summary:  Bruce has the upper hand, right?

Link to Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Author note: I am not a chemist and I don’t pretend to be. So feel free to shout at me if my technobabble is more babble than techno. Also, more DID stuff.

***

Funny enough, even though the video began playing there was still a good thirty second pause. Bruce watched "himself" rock back and forth in his chair, smile slyly to himself, and then root around in his drawers for something.

Bruce's lip curled in a small, self-righteous smirk. "Interesting."

"What is?"

"I'll tell you later, Steve. Keep watching; I want your honest perspective. If anything seems weird or off--" he made a face. "Well. More so than usual. Note it. I don't want you to tell me yet, but keep it in your head. I might need it later."

He could feel Steve fidgeting behind him but explaining would take too much time.

Your timing was off, Bruce sneered in his head. You expected me to pause it longer than thirty seconds. You missed.

He definitely heard a huff in his brain. I'm not omnipotent.

Bruce nodded to himself. Good. Professor didn't hold all the cards, then.

"Hey, I was saving that," Bruce muttered when Professor produced a tin from Bruce's desk. It was filled with tasty lemon bars that he'd planned on eating for a snack, after dinner, but Professor had wiggled his sausagey fingers and had begun chowing down on the tasty treats.

"Mm," Professor finally said. He grabbed a napkin and dabbed his lips before swallowing. "These are quite delicious, Banner. Absolutely heavenly. Sweet and sour treats are my favorite, by the way. Please eat more of them, whenever you're able." He ate three or four lemon bars before finding some hand sanitizer and wiping down his fingers.

"I imagine you're quite available for our conversation now. It's technically one-way. But I can tell you everything you need to know. In fact, I'll explain it quite easily to you, and the good Captain."

"There's that weird grin," Steve said. A growl had crept into his voice. "He knows I'm here, but I still see him for the bully he is. Sorry, Bruce. But your Person is an ass."

"Agreed," Bruce thought, chuckling. Professor huffed again deep inside but fortunately kept quiet in Bruce's mind.

Which could've been a strategic move but Bruce wouldn't analyze that yet. Too distracting and he hadn't finished the rest of the video.

Professor rose to his feet and slowly paced. The camera panned his movements as he commanded the lab area. Like a professor.

"One," he stated. "You know I am real. I typically stay out of things unless I'm warranted, but yes. You are correct. I've influenced some of your behavior in the past, and present. Possibly your future."

"Ass," Steve reiterated.

Bruce shushed him, since Professor seemed done pausing.

Professor held up his fingers like a peace sign. "Two. Hulk and I can work in tandem, but I usually let him do whatever he wants. I'm not a babysitter. I can influence him quite easily, though. He's such a child."

Bruce's expression hardened. Then how many people have you killed, how many families destroyed in my name, Professor? He thought darkly. If you're the Hulk's gatekeeper, was the killing and destruction in the name of science?

Professor appeared to grin and stare hard at the camera, almost winking at it, and Bruce's lips thinned. The answer was clear as day. Yes. Professor had done things. And he as the "Core" personality paid the price for the others. "Robbing Peter to pay Paul," Bruce muttered. He felt Steve's hug but he wasn't sure if Steve got what Professor had done. Tony probably had. Which meant they had a lot to discuss when he returned.

"Three," Professor said, his back to the camera. He held up three chubby fingers and pulled up another video screen on Bruce's desk. "I tampered with the gainer formula so it would be most effective. Jarvis? Zoom in if you would. Let Banner take a good, hard look at it."

Bruce hated being manipulated and playing into Professor's hands, but of course he was curious. "2-DG," He said, scanning the list. "Desipramine. Amitriptyline, escitalopram oxalate." Yes. He knew those drugs were in it, they weren't anything new.

Except...what was that hastily drawn scrawl--

He hissed sharply between his teeth. "Zolpidem...and thioridazine? Both of them...? You son of a bitch--"

Professor tutted and wagged his finger at the camera, as if he knew exactly what Bruce had said. "Swearing is such a nasty habit. Please refrain from doing so."

"Pause it, Jarvis."

Steve was the one who spoke this time, and Bruce checked over his shoulder. Steve's expression was hooded and stoic. But the love in his eyes was genuine. "You're on sedatives for your anxiety, aren't you?"

Bruce let out a slow breath. "Tranxene," he murmured. He took off his glasses and polished the lenses with his lab coat sleeve. "Pretty high doses of it, actually. Higher than the average person can afford to take." He pursed his lips and put back on his glasses. "And that's part of the problem."

"All those chemicals you read out," Steve said. He began rubbing Bruce's shoulder. "Do some of them interact with the tranxene?"

"Yup," Bruce said, sighing heavily. "In the wrong amounts they'd kill the average person. The gainer shake would kill Tony if he had anything more than four ounces. Although you'd be okay," He said, patting Steve's arm. "Probably mentally checked out, but you'd be okay. But with the addition of zolpidem...well." Bruce grunted and sat down. "Zolpidem has reported side effects of sleepwalking. And in some cases, sleep eating."

Steve snorted, laughing a little in between. "Which explains why you got the night munchies."

"Yes. However." Bruce turned, looking at Steve full in the face. "The thioridazine is a bigger issue. It's a phenothiazine, normally used for people suffering from schizophrenic episodes, and it can...really fuck up people like me." He absently scrubbed his face. He had a lot of questions. So. Many. Questions. But he'd have to find the time to ask, away from Steve.  "My balance between Hulk and now the Professor -” Bruce nodded to the screen. “That’s his preferred name, by the way--my...our balance depends on my own awareness levels. Hulk received the suggestion of the gainer shake from the Professor, but this was after Professor tampered with the ingredients. In short,  Professor created the shake so our walls would be tenuous, at best. It wasn't to allow the Hulk to binge eat, Steve. I think--"

His lips twisted, and the weird silence in his head confirmed it as he sighed. "Professor wants more control. He wants to Drive, in a sense. And he's using Hulk as leverage, and my desires for immobility, to do so. If I keep using the shake I'll gain. Definitely. But it also gives Professor that open window to play whenever he wants, by taking over my mind and body while I'm in a drugged, hypnotic state." Bruce stared coldly at the screen. "And I do not trust him."

Steve rolled a hand through his hair. "So it's potentially bad news. Do you have a reason to distrust him, though? Outside of acting like a jerk, has he really done anything...horrible?"

"I don't know," Bruce murmured. "I suspect he might be responsible for some of Hulk's earlier battle rampages. Or even some of the recent ones. But proving it will be...uncomfortably difficult."

"Why?"

Bruce sighed. "Because it means talking to them both. At the same time. And I don't think I'm able to do that without losing what little sanity I have left."

Steve grunted but chewed his bottom lip. "But would he have anything to gain - pun notwithstanding - now? He's folded. Given up his hand. You didn't know he was around until now, and he could've continued playing you."

"Tony figured it out, Steve.” He nodded to the monitor. “That's the only reason he showed up."

"Maybe." Steve tapped his chin. "I think you're right, though, Bruce. There's something else to this. But I don't think we're on the right track. I think it's something else."

"Really?"

Steve shrugged. "Either that, or he's just an ass who gets his kicks from people coming up with conspiracy theories. Could go either way."

"Thanks," Bruce deadpanned. He made a face and finger combed his curls. "We can't keep him on pause forever, Steve. He's gotten quiet in my head but I think he's waiting for me to make the next move." His eyes wandered over the screen and keyboard. All of it was, for lack of a better term, a clusterfuck and he wasn't sure how to fix it. And he wanted Tony back.

"We can wait a little while, if you're not up to it."

Bruce rubbed his chubby chin. "Nah. Better to rip off the band-aid, so we can deal with it. Jarvis," he sighed, "go ahead and play the rest."

There was another uncannily long pause, and Bruce smirked. He needed to use that information, that Professor made mistakes. He'd need that knowledge.

"Got it all out of your system? Good. Yes, you're right; the walls between us are thinner than ever. Unlike," Professor chuckled, "our body. Which is glorious, by the way. Can't wait to see what else you do with it."

"Can't tell if he's being sarcastic, or not," Steve grumbled.

"Shh," Bruce admonished. "Let him finish."

"Anyway, Banner, that's all I wanted to show you. I had to introduce myself properly, after all." His gaze sharpened, and the same cold chill ran down Bruce's back. "However, I do miss my science partner. Be careful with him, won't you? Try to bring him back in one piece. And tell him," he said, that same self-satisfied smirk spreading across his lips.  

"Tell him I said 'hi.'."

"That was the conclusion of the transmission," Jarvis intoned. "Do you need to review it for future use?"

"Yes," Bruce and Steve said together. Bruce smiled and rubbed Steve's hand. "Also, Jarvis, I'm asking for your help. If any of my...Selves decide to make a recording, wait until I'm 'me.' " He realized how weird that sounded, and sighed deeply. "Shit - I guess I should ask. Jarvis, can you tell the difference between us?"

Jarvis paused a millisecond before answering. "I've analyzed your mannerisms and compared them to the Professor as well as Hulk. I feel I'll have no issues telling the three of you apart, regardless of who is in control."

"Good." Bruce gave Steve a small look over his shoulder, unsure what the man was thinking. It was a lot to take in, he knew. And to be fair, he didn't expect Steve to respond to any of it well. It warmed him that Steve was doing this well. "Do me a favor, Jarvis. Always view me, Hulk, and Professor as three separate individuals. If another Person wants to access the system, they will need my permission first or, in a pinch, Tony or Steve if I’m ‘unavailable.’ But no one else. Is that clear?"

"Affirmative," Jarvis said. "On that note, would you like to view the notes and information I've gathered over time, notes the Professor might have added to my server files?"

"Wow.” Professor was a sneaky bastard. Of course he’d used Jarvis before, and Jarvis probably hadn’t known any better. He shared a look with Steve who looked equally uncomfortable. Maybe he’d talk to Tony about it later, whenever he got back. 

Bruce chewed his lip. "Yes, please, Jarvis. I'll need to look over those documents. I'll need to know if he's been tampering with any of my experiments."

Which would be horrific. What had the Professor done? How much damage--?

"Muffin," Steve sighed. Apparently he’d had enough, and Bruce didn’t blame him. He pulled Bruce close to his chest and rubbed circles across his back. "Professor’s made a mess of things, huh?"

Bruce chuckled darkly. "Understatement."

"Thought so. You should take a break, or a bath and get some food in ya." He grabbed Bruce’s shoulders and softly twirled him, so he could pat Bruce’s stomach. To Bruce's surprise his stomach growled. Loudly. "See? You're hungry. Get some snacks from the kitchen and de-stress. We'll worry about this Professor guy when you're more up to it."

"Maybe." Bruce wrung his hands, feeling out of sorts. The day started crappy and went downhill from the time he woke up. The Professor pressed all his triggers while singling out his frustrations and weaknesses. "I can't relax too much, though. The thought of what might happen..." He ran a hand down his face. "I dunno, Steve. I--"

"You'll be fine, Bruce, you've been okay to this point, right?" Bruce half-shrugged. "Then no worries, all right? We'll take care of the rest when it happens. Like you said, he tipped his hand and made himself a target."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Not the best analogy, but--"

Steve put a finger to Bruce’s lips, stifling his rant. "Eat something, Muffin. Then do something to relax. Maybe turn on Netflix, or something. I'll be up to check on ya in a bit."

A small frown marred Bruce's features. "What are you doing?"

"I need to blow off some steam," he said, shrugging. "It was a weird experience for me, too, and I've gotta wrap my head around it."

"Hmm." Well, he couldn't argue with Steve because he agreed, but still. "Don't take too long. I think I need a lot of TLC tonight."

Steve laughed. "You got it. Tonight’s your night."

"Okay. I'm holding you to that," Bruce said, as he made his way to the exit. "You take too long, and I'll come find you. And you said it yourself, you don't want me burning any extra calories."

Steve chuckled. "Forty-five minutes, tops." 

He watched Bruce leave. But Bruce missed the subtle frown tugging at the corners of Steve's lips.

[cottonpadenthusiast]

Beauty in You

I wanted to write this for everyone who thinks they are ugly and not worth it. You may not have your Draco Malfoy to tell you the truth but I’m here and I’m telling you, you are beautiful. Everyone needs to be told this more often because we often forget it, especially me. If you are ever suffering from any self-confidence issues you are welcome to talk to me anytime. Lots of love and btw you’re freaking gorgeous so don’t forget it xxxx

Harry glanced up at the mirror before grimacing, tearing his eyes away and turning the other direction. He didn’t like what he saw. He never had really. His hair was too unkept, his nose too prominent and his neck too long. He hated the ugly lines of his scar that stood for everything he had lost, everything he hated. The only thing he really liked about his face were his eyes. They shone against his dark skin and were identical to his mothers, which was the main reason he didn’t want to tear them out, like most of his other features. Everything about his face made Harry want to smash a mirror every time he looked in one. Or cry. Or both.

He hadn’t really experienced this self-loathing during his teenage years, his mind too preoccupied with trying to stay alive and save those he loved, but now he was twenty, out of school and out of the threat of danger wherever he went. This meant he had more time to question his existence in the Ministry bathrooms. Which was exactly what he was doing right now.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall. Merlin, he hated this. He hated himself mostly. He had no right to feel like this. People had died for him, gone forever. Others were left with life-long injuries, their lives as they know it taken away from them in a flash. Yet here Harry was, almost crying in a toilet because he didn’t like the way he looked. He was pathetic. No wonder Ginny had left him. No one would want him, and the sooner Harry accepted that, the better.

“Potter. I have been waiting outside for fifteen minutes. No normal person takes this long to-“ Harry spun round. Draco was staring at his face - because it’s horrible, Harry - a confused, startled look painted across his features.

“Why... why are you crying?”

Fuck. Harry quickly wiped at the tears, a blush spreading across his face. Malfoy was the person he least wanted to see right now. The pale, handsome face had already cause Harry enough trouble. Every time he looked at Malfoy his heart leaped and his stomach filled with butterflies but then guilt and anger filled him. He would never, ever feel the same as Harry. He was not only out of Harry’s league, but he was literally on a different planet where all the people-to-gorgeous-it-was-unfair lived. Harry didn’t have a chance.

“It’s nothing,” Harry mumbled. He wanted to get out but Malfoy was blocking his path to the door.

The blonde stepped forward. “Harry, what’s wrong?”

The use of his first name startled Harry, but he refused to meet Draco’s gaze. He wouldn’t remind Malfoy of how ugly he was by showing his face.

“I got something in my eye.”

“Harry. Tell me.” Draco’s voice was getting louder now.

“Nothing, Malfoy. I said I’m fine.”

“Potter, just bloody tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“Merlin, Potter. Just say it!” Draco yelled, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“NO! ” Harry exploded, watching as Draco stepped back, shocked. Harry wished he had never come here. It was a mistake. He was a mistake. He couldn’t even talk to Malfoy without becoming a mess. A stupid, ugly, vile mess.

Tears began welling up in eyes again. His body was shaking with broken sobs, his vision blurry. “Draco- please go,” he croaked between the violent sobs raking through his body. He felt himself slide down the cold wall, pulling his knees up to his face and wrapping his arms around himself, so he was as small as possible. Small enough to not be seen. Small enough to pretend he didn’t exist.

A slim hand rested itself on Harry’s knee, although he hardly registered it. “Harry. Please. I want to help you.”

“No you don’t. Don’t lie to yourself. I’m not worth it,” Harry heard himself say, although his voice was croaky and shaky.

Another hand gently began rubbing circles on Harry’s began, instantly calming him. “I do, Harry. I would have left if I didn’t want to help you. But you need to tell me what’s wrong.”

Harry breathed in, trying to prevent the sobs that still threatened to overcome him. “I’m ugly,” he whispered so quietly that he wasn’t even sure if he had said it. However, the hand suddenly stopped on Harry’s back, indicating that Draco had heard him.

“...what?” Draco whispered back, his voice full of confusion.

“I’m ugly. Okay. I know I am, so don’t even try to tell me that I’m not. Every time I look in the mirror I want to scream. And I don’t even know why anymore. I should have accepted this long ago. I have accepted it. But I still always look in the mirror and hope I see someone different, and I never do. And then I start to get emotional. And then I realise how fucking pathetic I am because I’m crying over something that I’ve known all my life. Something that is so stupid because people died for me, Draco. People have lost everything and I’m sitting on a bathroom floor, worried about the fact no one will ever love me because I’m so ugly. Isn’t that pathetic? And what’s even worse is that I try to tell myself that it doesn’t matter, that someone maybe will actually look at my face and think I’m not the most horrendous thing they’ve ever seen. I start hoping that maybe someone will be attracted to me. And that’s the saddest thing of it all.”

Hands gently pried Harry’s arms from his face. Don’t. He’s going to see your ugly face, Harry. Glazed green eyes slowly looked up, meeting Draco’s gaze. Harry was surprised to find a deep sadness in the stormy grey eyes.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest. I’m so confused at everything you’ve just said because the man in front of me is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever had the privilege to meet. I don’t know how you could think otherwise. Anyway, beauty is not just defined in the way you look; it’s in the way you act. You are beautiful in more than your face or your body. You are beautiful when you always buy my favourite cherry scones in the morning, even though you don’t like them. And when tears are rolling down your cheeks and your laughter is filling up the room because someone told a corny joke and you find it hilarious for some stupid reason. And when you see Ron and Hermione and you give them that massive grin that does crazy things to my heart. You’re beautiful when you read a sad story in the Prophet and your eyes drop and your mouth turns down and every time I see it I want to reach over and hold you, just once. And when you see a dog and your eyes light up like the someone has lit a Lumos behind them. And you are so, so beautiful when you look at me and give me that small smile that makes me believe I am more than what I’ve done. I’m more than my mistakes. You only see yourself in the mirror, Harry. You never see all the emotions and love and kindness that makes you, you. You would still be fucking gorgeous without all these things, because Merlin have you seen your bone structure, but the way you act makes you so much more beautiful than even I can comprehend, Harry. The only ugly thing about you is the fact you think you are.”

Harry speechless , his mind still trying to understand everything Draco had just said whenever the other man interrupted his thoughts.

“Oh, and I don’t think it’s that unlikely that someone would be attracted to you. Actually, I think someone in this very room is completely and utterly obsessed with you.”

Draco smiled shyly at Harry, his hand that rested on Harry’s back now almost burning his skin. Harry didn’t know whether to cry or kiss Draco. So he did both.

He grabbed the blonde’s face, slamming their lips together while tears streamed down both their cheeks. But Draco didn’t kiss him back, his lips unmoving. Harry pulled back, self-consciousness raking through him but Draco immediately pulled him back in, the shock wearing off. The kiss was softer than Harry expected but the gentleness comforted him in ways he had never known. Draco hands stroked Harry’s tears away, touching Harry’s face like it was the most precious thing in the world and Harry wondered if it was a dream.

Harry still didn’t really believe Draco, the months and years of self-loathing resulting in it being apart of his very bones. But he wanted to believe him. He wanted to feel valued and wanted and maybe even beautiful. The time ahead would be hard, Harry already knew that. He couldn’t rely on Draco to make him feel better about himself and he couldn’t allow his own self-consciousness to affect his newfound relationship.

For now, however, Draco was here. Holding Harry in his arms. Where he always should have been. And Harry felt that perhaps beauty wasn’t the most important thing after all.